No Contact - by Jenny Bartoy (Paperback)

Book Synopsis

A poignant and galvanizing anthology that illuminates the realities and nuances of family estrangement, with pieces by Stephanie Foo, Nick Flynn, Deesha Philyaw, Cheryl Strayed, and others

Estrangement presents an essential existential question: who are we without our family? What kind of person cuts the proverbial umbilical cord and why? And who do we become, once untethered from our kin?

Families fall apart and individuals cut ties for myriad reasons--abuse, politics, mental illness, and addiction, among others--and reunification often is not in the cards. Estrangement can be a positive change, as Emi Nietfeld explains in her essay about finding relief and logic after cutting off her mother. It can be a journey: noam keim rebuilds their sense of self by learning Arabic in their ancestral homeland of Morocco, while Nicole Graev Lipson searches for answers in literature and motherhood after her brother ghosts her. Other writers explore how estrangement complicates life's big shifts--Domenica Ruta traces the repercussions of severing ties while battling cancer; Hannah Bae reels from the prospect of cultural alienation when she cuts off her Korean parents; and after twenty years of separation, Soni Brown reluctantly becomes her mother's caretaker as dementia erases her memory.

Through thirty-two intimate, first-person accounts, No Contact counters the prevalent trope of reconciliation as a happy ending, focusing instead on the complex grief, healing, and authenticity found in the rupture from family.

Featuring work by Hannah Bae, Eben E. B. Bein, Soni Brown, Lorne Daniel, Lindsey Danis, Michelle Dowd, Nick Flynn, Stephanie Foo, Gabriela Denise Frank, Susan Ito, Danielle Jernigan, noam keim, Erika Krouse, Monique Laban, Cassandra Lewis, Kate Lewis, Nicole Graev Lipson, Tiffany Aldrich MacBain, Jamal Mahjoub, Onita Morgan-Edwards, Emi Nietfeld, Geneva Phillips, Deesha Philyaw, Anna Qu, Domenica Ruta, Oslyn Serratos, Alyson Shelton, Cheryl Strayed, Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore, Raksha Vasudevan, Jane Wong, and Kristen Millares Young.

Review Quotes

"A major under-discussed aspect of the familial experience is estrangement--going low- or no-contact with a family member, by necessity. Unlike death, estrangement, as defined by a living absence, lends itself more easily to silence or lack of acknowledgment. However, unacknowledged loss doesn't indicate lesser injury or grief. The shame implied in not fitting with a dream-idea of eventual reconciliation, and in 'not talking about it, ' is upended with compassion, nuance, and wit in a bold new anthology, No Contact: Writers on Estrangement." --Gina Tomaine, The Boston Globe

"Opinions are heated on all sides, but one thing is clear across the board: people want to understand how estrangement happens. We want to connect with people who are living separated from their families. We're looking for a community and a map, in story. That's what the anthology No Contact, edited by Jenny Bartoy, provides . . . No Contact showcases modern literature at its very best: It is welcoming, diverse, specific, and expansive. It invites you into worlds of togetherness in the hearts and minds of separation." --Asah Dore, Mutha Magazine

"An ambition anthology . . . Estrangement is a sticky topic, one that requires deep nuance to fully appreciate. That's exactly what this collection of stories provides . . . The diversity of narrative is the strength of the collection. It lets the reader know, any type of person can make this choice and it can happen to anyone too. The stories transcend race, class, and cultural background . . . At times, reading this collection felt like unzipping my skin and exposing myself to mirrors of some of my deepest pain. But there were a few moments of levity that made me smile, and sonnets that made me pause in awe. There were also pieces so well-written, I felt like I was in a nonfiction masterclass." --Renée Reese, Hippocampus Magazine

"No Contact: Writers on Estrangement, an anthology edited by Jenny Bartoy, offers valuable perspective." --Laura Fisher Kaiser, The Washington Independent Review of Books

"Sometimes we can't even imagine how necessary a book is until we finally see it arrive into the world . . . No Contact is radically vulnerable and truly soaring in its compassion, as well as a powerful reminder that we are never truly alone." --Michael Welch, Chicago Review of Books

"Jenny Bartoy's new book, No Contact: Writers on Estrangement is the first-of-its-kind as an anthology exploring family estrangement. She opens No Contact by asserting that estrangement is an embodiment of existing, as it is, as opposed to being liminal. No Contact refuses to allow estrangement to be pigeonholed. Instead, it can be a journey of reclamation and even community." --Anesce Dremen, The Rumpus

"Grippingly vulnerable. For those who feel guilt after disengaging from family, this offers powerful absolution." --Publishers Weekly

"These essays touch on themes of mental health, family trauma, shame, abuse, and identity, displaying the complexities of estrangement but also demonstrating the grit and determination of the human spirit to stay strong even during life's most difficult challenges. Estrangement is a taboo subject, but as Bartoy mentions in her introduction, hearing true stories like these might help others feel seen and validated in their decision to cut ties." --Booklist

"A search for compassion and conversation surrounding the decision to cut ties with family . . . The collection's narratives and poems each articulate a severed bond and reckon with the grief, uncertainty, and potential healing that emerges from that estrangement . . . [T]he unity of voices effectively showcases how the idea of family can be so similarly upended for such a myriad of lives . . . [A] noble amplification of under-heard voices." --Kirkus Review

"A landmark work around a theme so prominent--and yet so thoroughly ignored--in modern life. This collection opens chasms beyond writing and testament--but braves toward a new vision of healing, self-dignity, and, most importantly, the possibility for life's flourishing without closure." --Ocean Vuong

"No Contact traces the subtle architecture of absence--echoes that linger in rooms never entered, the strange tenderness that survives even when love is withheld. These essays illuminate the complexity of family with honesty and grit, exploring distance as a kind of seeing and how stepping away can sometimes reveal what staying never could. This is a book that carries strength, insight, and self-compassion. The authors: warriors. Their words linger, unsettling and clarifying, offering a map for anyone who has ever navigated the delicate terrain of love and loss." --Mira Ptacin, author of The In-Betweens

"This moving collection of stories and poems offers a necessary antidote to the feelings of grief, anger, and shame that often accompany family estrangement. They offer powerful testimonies of how other people navigate the challenges and heartbreaks of difficult families. And they help us see that no matter where we fall on the estrangement continuum--from strained relationships all the way up to full-on no contact--we don't have to go through it alone." --Harriet Brown, author of Shadow Daughter: A Memoir of Estrangement

"No Contact is safe harbor for anyone who finds themselves unmoored and directionless on the dark sea of estrangement. May these collected essays and poems be a lighthouse for those in need of a guide." --Minda Honey, author of The Heartbreak Years

"Going 'no contact' can be brave, terrifying, lonely, invigorating, devastating, or freeing, often all at the same time. These essays illustrate this heady mix beautifully, achingly, without tidy resolutions or moral certainty. In a culture that sanctifies closure, this anthology reminds us that rupture can be beautiful and that closing the door also opens us to new possibilities. No Contact bears clear-eyed witness to the cost of leaving, the sacrifice of survival, and the fragile, hard-won freedom that can emerge in the space left behind."--Kelly McMasters, author of The Leaving Season and Welcome to Shirley

"In the pages of this book, I found a community I didn't know I needed--writers from all over the world who have set sail on a log in the high seas of family estrangement. The intimacy in these stories is a salve, as each writer revisits the complex emotions wrought on those of us who dare walk away (and some who are cast out). I found myself holding my breath. Guilt, shame, relief, growth, wisdom, joy and wit, but most of all a clearing--it's all here in this beautiful, urgent anthology. No Contact comes at the right time to heal a generation or two and beyond." --Sonora Jha, author of Intemperance, The Laughter, and How to Raise a Feminist Son

"Call it becoming estranged, going no contact, leaving. Call it saving your life. Jenny Bartoy's collection No Contact brings sensitive and searing personal voices--and nuance--to the conversation about estrangement. An essential anthology for those determined to survive and make it through to the other side. Turns out, we are very much not alone." --Jessica Berger Gross, author of Estranged: Leaving Family and Finding Home and Hazel Says No

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