Five Funerals - by Jeff Somers (Paperback)

Book Synopsis

The graduating class of Bishop Carlbus Prep has a secret.

The Outing Party is a tradition at Bishop Carlbus, a semi-illicit party hosted by a senior student after the annual Outing, a weekend field trip taken by the graduating class every year. In 1995, Amy Keaton is determined to host a legendary Outing Party, but everything goes wrong. Her classmates are rude. Someone seems to be sabotaging her plans. And, as the night goes on, resentment and rage start driving everyone to extremes. The party spins out of control: by the next morning, Amy Keaton is dead, and twenty-five kids have a soul-crushing secret.

In 2015, six Bishop Carlbus Prep alumni--Victor, Kate, Leo, Titus, Ida, and Winnie--gather for the funeral of their old high school classmate Zillah. They soon realize that they are now the sole surviving members of the Class of 1995--everyone else who attended Amy Keaton's Outing Party is dead. And many of those deaths are bizarre and shocking. Sucked dry by leeches. Consumed by mice. Swept out to sea.

The survivors begin piecing together the events of the last two decades, and wonder: Is someone hunting them? Are they next?

And, maybe, do they deserve to be next?

Review Quotes

"Somers (The Burning City) riffs on Edward Gorey's The Gashlycrumb Tinies with a choose-the-outcome novel structure in this sophisticated and darkly comic horror outing. Noting in his introduction that readers should "read until you hit a redirect--a footnote pointing toward one of the stories at the end of the book," Somers unspools the ghastly fates of the 1995 graduates of Bishop Carlbus Prep School. It kicks off with senior Amy, who is determined to throw the most legendary graduation party ever. But domineering Amy is not well liked by her classmates, and the party quickly spirals into chaos. By sunrise, Amy is dead from a fall down the basement stairs. Over the years, the rest of Amy's classmates die one by one in ways too increasingly bizarre to be overlooked: Xerxes is eaten by mice, Quentin sinks in a mire, and Fanny suffers from leech-induced anemia. At the funeral of Zillah, who died of alcohol poisoning, the few remaining students realize that someone or something is deliberately picking them off. Through its clever structure, the book posits a number of explanations but offers no easy answers, which may frustrate some. Somers unpicks the seams of Gorey's original to create portraits of despairing and complicated adults, all broken and haunted by the trauma of their youth. It's an eerie gem. (Feb.)"
--Publishers Weekly

"This stylish, modern, weird, and whimsical reimagining of Edward Gorey's The Gashlycrumb Tinies will delight, amuse, and enthrall anyone who loves the macabre--and copious footnotes. D is for Delilah who couldn't stop reading and very nearly drowned in the bath!"
--Delilah S. Dawson, New York Times bestselling author of The Violence, Phasma (Star Wars) and Galaxy's Edge: Black Spire (Star Wars)

"A set of modern fables for those hitting the mid-life, Five Funerals flawlessly and hilariously stitches together the final fates of people that, well, sort of deserved it."
--Angel Luis Colón, award-winning author of Infested

"Somers crafts a fun, fast-paced whodunnit with Five Funerals that is witty, sharp, and loaded with commentary. A satisfying and memorable read."
--Alex Segura, New York Times bestselling author of Alter Ego, Secret Identity, and Daredevil: Enemy of My Enemy

"A gaunt, grimly hilarious gothic experience; Edward Gorey meets House of Leaves, soaked in grime and venomously bright nostalgia. Five Funerals both beckons and haunts, entices and disturbs."
--Lilith Saintcrow, author of the Dante Valentine series

"At its weird, delightfully unsettling heart, Five Funerals is a book that begs not just to be read, but reread. A dark forest of sumptuous, catty, sometimes brutal prose, delectably easy to get lost in, it's populated by awful, outrageous people richly deserving of their fates. I love them all to death, which might be a spoiler if not for the title. I always look forward to new work from Jeff Somers, and hands-down I found Five Funerals his best yet."
--Bill Cameron, award-winning author of the Skin Kadash mysteries

"Five Funerals turns Gorey's The Gashlycrumb Tinies into the best sort of Choose Your Own Adventure, one filled with despair, horror, and lots and lots of bodies."
--Stephen Blackmoore, author of the Eric Carter series

"Five Funerals is a book that lets you wander nooks and crevices in an almost choose-your-adventure style. It feels both microscopically intimate and panoramic in scope. The footnotes and asides build out the world until it feels less like reading and more like recalling a haunting and haunted world you have glimpsed in shadows and mirrors. Gently macabre, as if Wes Anderson collaborated with Edgar Allen Poe to make Friends. I genuinely love this book."
--Sean Ferrell, author of Numb and Man in the Empty Suit

About the Author

Jeff Somers was first sighted in Jersey City, New Jersey after the destruction of a classified government installation in the early 1970s; the area in question is still too radioactive to go near. When asked about this, he will only say that he regrets nothing. He is the author of Lifers, the Avery Cates series from Orbit Books (avery-cates.com), Chum from Tyrus Books, and The Ustari Cycle from Pocket/Gallery, including We Are Not Good People.

Jeff's published over thirty short stories as well; his story "Sift, Almost Invisible, Through" appeared in the anthology Crimes by Moonlight, published by Berkley Hardcover and edited by Charlaine Harris, and his story "Ringing the Changes" was selected for The Best American Mystery Stories 2006. He survives on the nickels and quarters he regularly finds behind his ears, his guitar playing is a plague upon his household, and his lovely wife The Duchess is convinced he would wither and die if left to his own devices, but this is only half true.

Today, he makes beer money by writing amazing things for various people. Favorite whiskey: Glenmorangie 10 Year. Yes, it is acceptable to pay him in it.

Discover more about Jeff Somers and his work at www.jeffreysomers.com.