Splitting - 2nd Edition by Bill Eddy & Randi Kreger (Paperback)

About the Book

Written by a family law attorney and therapist and an expert in borderline personality disorder (BPD), Splitting is an essential legal and psychological guide for anyone divorcing a persuasive blamer: someone who suffers from BPD or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). This highly anticipated second edition is fully revised, and includes new chapters on abuse, alienation, and false allegations; as well as information about the four types of domestic violence, protective orders, and child custody disputes.

Book Synopsis

Divorcing a high-conflict spouse? Protect yourself, your children, and your future.

This highly anticipated second edition of Splitting offers essential legal and psychological guidance for navigating a high-conflict divorce involving borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or antisocial personality disorder (ASPD).

Are you divorcing someone who's making the process as difficult as possible? Are they sending nasty emails, distorting the truth, putting your children in the middle, making false allegations, or abusing you--or the legal system? Are they a "persuasive blamer," manipulating or convincing court personnel to take their side? If so, you need this book.

For more than a decade, Splitting has served as an essential guide for people divorcing a high-conflict person, including a spouse with borderline, narcissistic, or antisocial personality traits. It has helped readers navigate child custody disputes, prepare for divorce court, communicate strategically, manage conflict, and protect themselves and their children throughout an extraordinarily difficult legal and emotional process.

Written by a family law attorney and therapist, and coauthored by the author of Stop Walking on Eggshells, Splitting combines practical legal strategies with psychological insight into high-conflict personalities. This fully revised second edition includes new chapters on abuse, alienation, and false allegations; expanded information on the four types of domestic violence, child abuse, and antisocial personalities; guidance for approaching protective orders and child custody disputes; and a new chapter on successfully presenting your case to judges, evaluators, and other decision makers.

Turn to this essential guide to help you:

• Anticipate high-conflict behavior and predict what your spouse may do or say in court
• Take control of your divorce case with assertiveness, preparation, and strategic thinking
• Navigate child custody disputes, alienation, and false allegations
• Understand domestic violence and abuse and when protective orders may be necessary
• Choose a lawyer who understands high-conflict divorce and personality disorders
• Communicate strategically and understand how emails, texts, and social media can be used against you
• Present your case effectively to judges, evaluators, attorneys, and other decision makers

If you're trying to figure out how to divorce a narcissistic, borderline, manipulative, or otherwise high-conflict spouse, you don't have to navigate the process unprepared. Splitting gives you the legal and psychological tools you need to protect what matters most, make informed decisions, and move through a high-conflict divorce with greater confidence, clarity, and control.

Review Quotes

"Splitting provides concise, clear, and invaluable advice for strategically navigating a divorce from someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or borderline personality disorder (BPD). Following the suggestions laid out in this book will greatly increase the readers' odds of having a successful marital dissolution under these difficult circumstances."
--Susan Pease Gadoua, LCSW, founder and executive director of the Transition Institute of Marin, and author of Contemplating Divorce and Stronger Day by Day--Susan Pease Gadoua, LCSW

"Splitting is a practical, concise guide as to what to expect when dealing with a high-conflict person in a divorce context. The authors do not sugarcoat the behaviors that will occur during a divorce involving a high-conflict person. Their charts and management suggestions are direct and easy to process. This volume is useful for anyone engaged in handling family law matters."
--Retired Judge Christine Goldsmith, San Diego Superior Court, family law mediator--Retired Judge Christine Goldsmith

"Eddy and Kreger's Splitting is the book that those embroiled in difficult family court proceedings will call 'a life saver, ' and the book that 'made me realize I'm not alone.' Every family court participant will benefit from their expertise in understanding, managing, preparing, and ultimately succeeding in family court despite an opposing party's scorched-earth tactics."
--Annette T. Burns, past president of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts; fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers; attorney and family law certified specialist; and coauthor of BIFF for Coparent Communication--Annette T. Burns

"Filled with concrete and actionable tips from the Quick Start Guide in the beginning to the Resources and References at the end--and on every page between--Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger's Splitting is quite simply THE absolute MUST resource for those going through a high-conflict divorce and the professionals who support them. I will be keeping a copy on my desk going forward!"
--Susan Guthrie, leading divorce attorney and mediator, cofounder of the Mosten Guthrie Academy, and host of The Divorce & Beyond Podcast--Susan Guthrie

"For anyone targeted by a 'persuasive blamer, ' this is a must-read. You will learn strategies for responding to blamers' predictable and often effective court tactics. Recognizing the importance of safety planning where there is risk of domestic violence, the authors make a compelling case for mediation given how the adversarial family court system can escalate aggression. Every family lawyer should include a copy of this book with their initial consult!"
--Hilary A. Linton, JD, LLM, award-winning family lawyer, mediator, and arbitrator in Toronto, ON, Canada; who trains professionals how to assess and manage domestic violence--Hilary A. Linton, JD, LLM

"Parents who find themselves embroiled in high-conflict and court involvement with a co-parent who has a personality disorder face overwhelming challenges to resolve custody disputes and manage their ongoing co-parenting relationship. Bill and Randi not only help readers understand what drives the behaviors of borderline, narcissistic, and antisocial parents, but provide comprehensive and specific advice to help the healthier parent navigate the family court experience and alternatives to formal legal processes when dealing with these individuals. Their comprehensive, step-by-step advice when confronted with a 'persuasive blamer' is a lifeline to parents and professionals alike."
--Matthew J. Sullivan, immediate past president of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts--Matthew J. Sullivan

"This book includes important considerations when planning for physical and emotional safety in court proceedings, particularly when a relationship has been violent and/or abusive. So often, when a person leaves a relationship where their partner has been abusive, the court system becomes the next tool to continue harassment, intimidation, and psychological abuse. My hope is that anyone in our community who feels that there is no way to safely navigate this intimidating process will find this book to be a resourceful and helpful guide."
--Anna Harper-Guerrero, LMSW, executive vice president and chief strategy officer at the Emerge Center Against Domestic Abuse in Tucson, AZ--Anna Harper-Guerrero, LMSW

"Two noted authorities offer eminently practical advice that has stood the test of time. Whether in the process of breaking up, or managing the troubling aftermath of a split, this comprehensive guide will be your lifeline. Chock-full of advice to protect and empower yourself when dealing with a difficult ex. The clear strategies for effectively presenting and defending your position in court are priceless. For your own well-being, and for your children, get this book and keep it handy."
--Richard A. Warshak, PhD, author of Divorce Poison--Richard A. Warshak, PhD

About the Author

Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, is a family lawyer, therapist, and mediator in San Diego, CA. He is cofounder and chief innovation officer at High Conflict Institute, and trains lawyers, judges, mediators, and counselors worldwide in respectfully managing high-conflict disputes and personalities. He is author of sixteen books, developer of the New Ways for Families(R) method for separation and divorce, and blogger for Psychology Today with more than five million views. His website is www.highconflictinstitute.com.

Randi Kreger is author of three books about borderline personality disorder (BPD), including Stop Walking on Eggshells. She is creator of www.StopWalkingOnEggshells.com; and runs the online support group, Moving Forward. She publishes specialized CDs and other materials about BPD, which are available on her website.