Constructive Wallowing - by Tina Gilbertson (Paperback)

Book Synopsis

Constructive wallowing seems like an oxymoron. Constructive is a good thing, but wallowing is bad. Right?

But wait a minute; is it really so terrible to give ourselves a time-out to feel our feelings? Or is it possible that wallowing is an act of loving kindness, right when we need it most?

Almost everyone loves the idea of self-compassion -- the notion that maybe in spite of our messy emotions and questionable behavior, we really aren't all that bad. In recent years there's been an explosion of books that encourage readers to stop beating themselves up for being human, which is terrific. Unfortunately, readers who aren't interested in Buddhism or meditation have been left out in the cold.

Constructive Wallowing is the first book to cut right to the chase, bypassing descriptions of Eastern philosophy and meditation techniques to teach readers how to accept and feel their feelings with self-compassion for greater emotional health.

It's tempting to turn away from menacing, uncomfortable feelings like anger, grief, or regret; however, ignoring them just seems to make them stick around. By learning to accept and embrace, difficult feelings, readers keep their sense of personal power and gain greater understanding and ultimately esteem for themselves.

From the Back Cover

Feeling Bad Can Lead You to Feeling Better Faster
Actress-turned-therapist Tina Gilbertson offers a practical and effective alternative to kicking yourself when you're down. "Constructive Wallowing" will not only help you reach your potential but also heal from past hurts and feel better about yourself, right this minute. It is tempting to turn away from menacing, uncomfortable feelings like anger, grief or regret and treat them like unwanted guests. However, ignoring them just seems to make them stick around. By learning to accept, rather than suppress, difficult feelings, you'll gain greater self-understanding for lifelong emotional health.
LEARN HOW TO:
Take your own side and free yourself from the trap of self-criticism
Use the T-R-U-T-H Technique to get out from under yucky feelings
Neutralize old emotions that sap your energy and undermine your joy
Allow painful feelings to let go of you, instead of the other way around
Build a healthier, more loving relationship with the most important person in your life: You

Review Quotes

"Next time life gets you down don't put on a happy face says psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson author of the new book Constructive Wallowing [...] Crying punching your pillow and screaming are all healthy ways to deal. (Just don't kick the cat)." --Health

"If you've ever ignored difficult feelings or if your inner critic has been riding you to be constructive every minute of the day psychotherapist Gilbertson has written a counterintuitive self-help book that offers constructive advice for boosting self-compassion by wallowing in negative feelings." --Publishers Weekly

"Laughter is the best medicine as many have said and psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson's new book Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them is laugh-out-loud funny. The author conveys her insightful thesis in smart welcoming language that entertains and enlightens along the way." --ForeWord Reviews

"The author's emphasis is on self-compassion--the notion that maybe in spite of our messy emotions and questionable behavior we really aren't so bad after all. In other words you don't have to beat yourself up for being a growing unfolding spiritual human being." --New Thought Magazine

"To constructively wallow immerse yourself in your real feelings with compassion and understanding." --EverydayHealth.com

"Feeling bad and wallowing about it can actually lead to feeling better." --Examiner.com

"In Constructive Wallowing

"Bookmark this!" --Mindful Magazine

"In Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them by Psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson Tina describes the counterintuitive but powerful truth about how difficult feelings can lead to greater happiness. Wallowing constructively is not a just a skill but a lifestyle a new way to be the best version of the same you." --AM Northwest

"This wise book is a friend when you are struggling with making sense of your dark moods and brooding thoughts." --Express UK

"Tina Gilbertson offers a practical and effective alternative to kicking yourself when you're down." --Natural Awakenings

"Fed up with being told to 'think positive'? It's okay to be miserable now and again as long as you do it mindfully as a way to feel happy again says psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson." --Woman & Home

"An upbeat easy-to-read guide for changing the Inner Critic into the Inner Friend." --Retailing Insight

"The advice given in this book seems self-evident but it's actually quite practical. Gibertson's main point goes against much of the 'you can do it' school of self-help and instead advocates even five minutes of your time to feel sad about whatever it is you want to feel sad about." --Sunday Herald

"[Tina Gilbertson] believes ignoring anger (or any negative emotion) could do more harm than good. Think of all emotions like your toes says Tina. They're just there for a purpose not harmful not wrong." --Sunday Mirror

"By advocating what is basically a deep examination and acceptance of emotions author and counselor Tina Gilbertson offers readers a few handy tools to help get rid of those feelings that seem to hang around like an overstayed guest in the back bedroom. Some of the methods are given in step-by-step fashion while others though moderately repetitive advocate more of an overall big-picture helping hand. And if readers still struggle with emotions they'd rather not have Gilbertson finishes her book with advice on finding a therapist to help. Yes what's here may be somewhat alternative but when the remains of a disappointment just won't let go Constructive Wallowing seemed to me to be worth a try. And if that's what you need in a book keep this close." --Terri Schlichenmeyer

"Tina Gilbertson's Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them is a great tool to help you THINK about how to deal with those emotions that can negatively affect your life. What I appreciate the most about this book is the clarity of thought the author demonstrates reflected in the clarity of writing which allows for readers to consider the advice given within the framework by which they live their lives." --Sahar's Reviews

"There is a certain liberation in the very act of constructive wallowing freeing oneself from the need to disregard or bury negative feelings especially during these times of burgeoning positive psychology. From the onset of this read and all the way through one can feel that is not only allowable but essential to allow ourselves the full range of emotions. Through relatable stories and personal and clinical wisdom Tina Gilbertson shows us that we feel less happiness when we disallow wallowing constructively that there is no joy without the full range of human emotion. Constructive Wallowing is an inspiring read that will change the way you see your emotional life. This book will change the way I practice." -Dr. John Duffy author of The Available Parent

"Where cognitive therapy teaches you what's wrong with your thinking Tina Gilbertson's Constructive Wallowing teaches you what's right with your feeling. Her style is light and breezy but her message is profound. Both wise and engaging---like a great therapist---this book can start you on the path of self-awareness and self-acceptance that is the essence of healing. And it's good for therapists too. I found especially useful Tina's focus on recognizing the disparaging dismissive inner critic that keeps us stuck in our painful feelings by preventing us from really feeling and learning from them." -Elio Frattaroli M.D. author Healing the Soul in the Age of the Brain

"If you've already discovered that 'trying to think positive' only makes you feel worse it's time to embrace Constructive Wallowing instead. This wise and witty book shows why pushing bad feelings away never works and offers a practical approach to the more liberating alternative of allowing yourself to feel them. Ignore those grinning gurus: Tina Gilbertson explains how anxiety anger sadness and fear can be a doorway to a far more profound kind of happiness." - Oliver Burkeman author of The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking

"Next time life gets you down, don't put on a happy face, says psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson, author of the new book "Constructive Wallowing" [...] Crying, punching your pillow and screaming are all healthy ways to deal. (Just don't kick the cat)."
--"Health"
"If you've ever ignored difficult feelings or if your inner critic has been riding you to be constructive every minute of the day, psychotherapist Gilbertson has written a counterintuitive self-help book that offers constructive advice for boosting self-compassion by wallowing in negative feelings."
--"Publishers Weekly"
"Laughter is the best medicine, as many have said, and psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson's new book, "Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them" is laugh-out-loud funny. The author conveys her insightful thesis in smart, welcoming language that entertains and enlightens along the way."
--"ForeWord Reviews"
"The author's emphasis is on self-compassion--the notion that maybe in spite of our messy emotions and questionable behavior, we really aren't so bad after all. In other words, you don't have to beat yourself up for being a growing, unfolding, spiritual human being."
--New Thought Magazine
"To constructively wallow, immerse yourself in your real feelings with compassion and understanding."
--EverydayHealth.com
"Feeling bad and wallowing about it can actually lead to feeling better."
--Examiner.com
"In "Constructive Wallowing," renowned U.S. psychologist Tina Gilbertson makes the extraordinary claim that dwelling on our bad feelings is, in fact, the key to health and happiness."
--Daily Mail
"Bookmark this!"
--"Mindful Magazine"
"In "Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them" by Psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson, Tina describes the counterintuitive but powerful truth about how difficult feelings can lead to greater happiness. Wallowing constructively is not a just a skill but a lifestyle, a new way to be the best version of the same you."
--AM Northwest
"This wise book is a friend when you are struggling with making sense of your dark moods and brooding thoughts."
--Express UK
"Tina Gilbertson offers a practical and effective alternative to kicking yourself when you're down."
--Natural Awakenings
"Fed up with being told to 'think positive'? It's okay to be miserable now and again, as long as you do it mindfully as a way to feel happy again, says psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson."
--"Woman & Home"
"An upbeat, easy-to-read guide for changing the Inner Critic into the Inner Friend."
--"Retailing Insight"
"The advice given in this book seems self-evident but it's actually quite practical. Gibertson's main point goes against much of the 'you can do it' school of self-help, and instead advocates even five minutes of your time to feel sad about whatever it is you want to feel sad about."
--"Sunday Herald"
"[Tina Gilbertson] believes ignoring anger (or any negative emotion) could do more harm than good. Think of all emotions like your toes, says Tina. They're just there, for a purpose, not harmful, not wrong."
--"Sunday Mirror"
"By advocating what is basically a deep examination and acceptance of emotions, author and counselor Tina Gilbertson offers readers a few handy tools to help get rid of those feelings that seem to hang around like an overstayed guest in the back bedroom. Some of the methods are given in step-by-step fashion while others, though moderately repetitive, advocate more of an overall, big-picture helping hand. And if readers still struggle with emotions they'd rather not have, Gilbertson finishes her book with advice on finding a therapist to help. Yes, what's here may be somewhat alternative but when the remains of a disappointment just won't let go, "Constructive Wallowing" seemed to me to be worth a try. And if that's what you need in a book, keep this close."
--Terri Schlichenmeyer
"Tina Gilbertson's "Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them" is a great tool to help you THINK about how to deal with those emotions that can negatively affect your life. What I appreciate the most about this book is the clarity of thought the author demonstrates, reflected in the clarity of writing, which allows for readers to consider the advice given within the framework by which they live their lives."
--Sahar's Reviews
"There is a certain liberation in the very act of constructive wallowing, freeing oneself from the need to disregard or bury negative feelings, especially during these times of burgeoning positive psychology. From the onset of this read, and all the way through, one can feel that is not only allowable, but essential, to allow ourselves the full range of emotions. Through relatable stories and personal and clinical wisdom, Tina Gilbertson shows us that we feel less happiness when we disallow wallowing constructively, that there is no joy without the full range of human emotion. "Constructive Wallowing" is an inspiring read that will change the way you see your emotional life. This book will change the way I practice.
-Dr. John Duffy, author of "The Available Parent"
"Where cognitive therapy teaches you what's wrong with your thinking, Tina Gilbertson's "Constructive Wallowing" teaches you what's right with your feeling. Her style is light and breezy but her message is profound. Both wise and engaging---like a great therapist---this book can start you on the path of self-awareness and self-acceptance that is the essence of healing. And it's good for therapists too. I found especially useful Tina's focus on recognizing the disparaging, dismissive inner critic that keeps us stuck in our painful feelings by preventing us from really feeling and learning from them."
-Elio Frattaroli, M.D., author "Healing the Soul in the Age of the Brain"
"If you've already discovered that 'trying to think positive' only makes you feel worse, it's time to embrace "Constructive Wallowing" instead. This wise and witty book shows why pushing bad feelings away never works, and offers a practical approach to the more liberating alternative of allowing yourself to feel them. Ignore those grinning gurus: Tina Gilbertson explains how anxiety, anger, sadness and fear can be a doorway to a far more profound kind of happiness."
- Oliver Burkeman, author of "The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking"

"If you've ever ignored difficult feelings or if your inner critic has been riding you to be constructive every minute of the day, psychotherapist Gilbertson has written a counterintuitive self-help book that offers constructive advice for boosting self-compassion by wallowing in negative feelings."
--"Publishers Weekly"
"Laughter is the best medicine, as many have said, and psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson's new book, "Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them" is laugh-out-loud funny. The author conveys her insightful thesis in smart, welcoming language that entertains and enlightens along the way."
--"ForeWord Reviews"
"An upbeat, easy-to-read guide for changing the Inner Critic into the Inner Friend."
--"Retailing Insight"
"There is a certain liberation in the very act of constructive wallowing, freeing oneself from the need to disregard or bury negative feelings, especially during these times of burgeoning positive psychology. From the onset of this read, and all the way through, one can feel that is not only allowable, but essential, to allow ourselves the full range of emotions. Through relatable stories and personal and clinical wisdom, Tina Gilbertson shows us that we feel less happiness when we disallow wallowing constructively, that there is no joy without the full range of human emotion. "Constructive Wallowing" is an inspiring read that will change the way you see your emotional life. This book will change the way I practice.
-Dr. John Duffy, author of "The Available Parent"
"Where cognitive therapy teaches you what's wrong with your thinking, Tina Gilbertson's "Constructive Wallowing" teaches you what's right with your feeling. Her style is light and breezy but her message is profound. Both wise and engaging---like a great therapist---this book can start you on the path of self-awareness and self-acceptance that is the essence of healing. And it's good for therapists too. I fou

"Where cognitive therapy teaches you what's wrong with your thinking, Tina Gilbertson's "Constructive Wallowing" teaches you what's right with your feeling. Her style is light and breezy but her message is profound. Both wise and engaging---like a great therapist---this book can start you on the path of self-awareness and self-acceptance that is the essence of healing. And it's good for therapists too. I found especially useful Tina's focus on recognizing the disparaging, dismissive inner critic that keeps us stuck in our painful feelings by preventing us from really feeling and learning from them."
-Elio Frattaroli, M.D., author "Healing the Soul in the Age of the Brain"

"If you've already discovered that 'trying to think positive' only makes you feel worse, it's time to embrace "Constructive Wallowing" instead. This wise and witty book shows why pushing bad feelings away never works, and offers a practical approach to the more liberating alternative of allowing yourself to feel them. Ignore those grinning gurus: Tina Gilbertson explains how anxiety, anger, sadness and fear can be a doorway to a far more profound kind of happiness."
- Oliver Burkeman, author of "The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking"


"If you've already discovered that 'trying to think positive' only makes you feel worse, it's time to embrace "Constructive Wallowing" instead. This wise and witty book shows why pushing bad feelings away never works, and offers a practical approach to the more liberating alternative of allowing yourself to feel them. Ignore those grinning gurus: Tina Gilbertson explains how anxiety, anger, sadness and fear can be a doorway to a far more profound kind of happiness."
- Oliver Burkeman, author of "The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking"

About the Author

Tina Gilbertson is a successful therapist workshop leader and blogger living in Portland OR.