The Mother Code - by Ruthie Ackerman (Hardcover)

About the Book

"For so long, Ruthie Ackerman believed that the decision not to have children was a radical act. She'd grown up being told that she came from a long line of women who had abandoned their children. Plus, Ruthie feared she would pass on her half-brother's rare genetic disorder. Haunted by this generational inheritance, she goes searching in the twists and turns of her DNA to decide once and for all whether she should become a mother. When a geneticist leaves her at a dead end, she chooses to marry a man who doesn't want children-only to realize that, despite everything, she desperately does. When Ruthie's strained marriage ends, her quest for a new vision of motherhood begins. She eventually finds an image of radical motherhood where women have an opportunity to see their role not just as fulfilling but as powerful. This new mother code goes beyond children and focuses on actively working towards stronger communities and happier, less-stressed parents. But by the time Ruthie meets the right partner and is ready to have the baby she so desperately desires, she learns she can't use her own eggs. Now, Ruthie has to evolve this new mother code as she navigates the scientific, philosophical, and intimate questions about what it means to both create-and nurture-a life. The Mother Code unravels how we've come to understand the institution of motherhood, offering a groundbreaking a new vision: a mother code that goes beyond our blood lines and genetics, and instead, pushes us to embrace inheritance as the legacy we want to leave behind for those we love"--

Book Synopsis

In this propulsive memoir, an award-winning journalist blends history, science, and cultural criticism to uncover whether motherhood outside of society's rigid rules and expectations is possible--and whether she fits the mold for what a mother should be.

"This tender, generous book does the hard work of redefining 'motherhood' and 'family' so that they honor all aspects of a woman's life."--Christie Tate, author of the New York Times bestseller Group

Ruthie Ackerman had long believed that the decision to not have children was a radical act. She'd grown up being told that she came from a long line of women who had abandoned their kids and feared she would pass on her half-brother's rare genetic disorder. So when she marries a man who doesn't want children, she hopes she can be happy without any. But a voice in her head keeps returning to the question: What if mothering can be a radical act too? When her marriage veers off course, she goes searching through the twists and turns of her DNA to decide once and for all whether she should become a mother.

By the time Ruthie finally determines that she desperately wants a child, she learns that motherhood won't happen the way she thought it would. Now she must enter the hall of mirrors where biology, genetics, and philosophy collide as she wonders what it means to both create and nurture a life. What does inheritance really entail? What does it mean to be a "good" mother? When it comes down to it, how important is nature versus nurture? And where are the models for what a "good life" can look like for women, both with and without children?

Synthesizing reportage and memoir, The Mother Code unravels how we've come to understand the institution of motherhood. What emerges is a groundbreaking new vision for what it means to parent: a mother code that goes beyond our bloodlines and genetics and instead urges us to embrace inheritance as the legacy we want to leave behind for those we love.

Review Quotes

"Ruthie Ackerman offers readers a behind-the-scenes tour of her decision to become a mother despite a troubling legacy. This tender, generous book does the hard work of redefining 'motherhood' and 'family' so that they honor all aspects of a woman's life."--Christie Tate, author of the New York Times bestseller Group

"A warm, candid memoir with a clear-eyed take on the conflicting pressures placed on Gen-X women, and all the ways choosing one path in life means forsaking others."--Ada Calhoun, New York Times bestselling author of Why We Can't Sleep

"Ackerman's stunning memoir pulls back the curtain on so many life stages that we're taught from an early age should come easily and with great rewards. She lays bare the grief and bittersweetness inextricably tied to them all."--Rebecca Soffer, bestselling author of The Modern Loss Handbook

"Ruthie Ackerman zeros in on the stage of her life where she grapples with the decision whether to become a mother--taking us on a profound journey through societal expectations, desire, ambivalence and optimism."--Eve Rodsky, New York Times bestselling author of Fair Play

"A beautiful examination of motherhood, obsession, genetics, feminism, fear, and letting go."--Moon Unit Zappa, actress, singer, and author of Earth to Moon

"Ackerman has managed to wrap her arms around anyone who has struggled with the path to motherhood. Her book is wondrous proof that no story or family looks the same, and that even the darkest edges of every journey can somehow become the thing that heals us."--Christene Barberich, co-founder of Refinery29

"The Mother Code is a candid, raw interrogation of maternal ambivalence, genetic inheritance, infertility, what we gain as mothers, and what we must leave behind. Anyone faced with questions on their own journey will feel seen by this deeply personal, probing memoir."--Leslie Schrock, author of Bumpin'

"Ruthie Ackerman is that rare writer whose fierce intelligence is matched by her warmth and honesty. Her book brings us new ways of thinking about how to be a mother, and a person."--Claire Dederer, author of Monsters: A Fan's Dilemma

"A necessary paradigm shifter, and an urgent one for the moment."--Hitha Palepu, curator of #5SmartReads and author of We're Speaking

"An honest, intimate look at one woman's journey to motherhood."--Eric J Forman, MD, HCLD, Medical and Laboratory Director at Columbia University Fertility Center

About the Author

Ruthie Ackerman's writing has been published in Vogue, Glamour, O Magazine, The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Salon, Slate, and Newsweek. She launched the Ignite Writers Collective in 2019 and has since worked with hundreds of writers to publish their own stories. Her client wins include a USA Today bestseller, book deals with Big 5 publishers, representation by buzzy book agents, and essays in prestigious outlets. Ruthie Ackerman has a master's degree in journalism from New York University and lives in Brooklyn with her family.