Conflict Resilience - by Robert Bordone & Joel Salinas (Hardcover)

About the Book

Book Synopsis

AN INSTANT USA TODAY BESTSELLER

Conflict management expert Robert C. Bordone and leading behavioral neurologist Joel Salinas, M.D., join forces to introduce conflict resilience: the radical science of standing strong in the face of conflict and breaking the bad habits that sabotage our politics, workplaces, and most important relationships.

Conflict is getting the better of us.

From our homes and community centers to C-Suites and Congress, disagreements are happening everywhere, with increasing frequency, and are being treated like winner-takes-all debates rather than as opportunities for conversation and positive change. This puts a tremendous and untenable strain on our most important relationships and institutions.

Unable or unwilling to handle difficult conversations with skill, we ignore it or avoid it for as long as possible; when we are forced to face it, everyday disagreements and temporary flare-ups rapidly escalate to a fever pitch. Neither approach addresses underlying issues, promotes stronger relationships, or yields satisfying results.

But there is a solution: a combined leadership capacity and mindset that Bordone calls conflict resilience: the ability to not only sit with and grow from disagreement, but to find new ways to communicate with authority and confidence without others feeling left unheard. In this powerful, hopeful book, Bordone, an internationally-recognized negotiator, former professor, and Senior Fellow at Harvard Law School, and Joel Salinas, M.D., a cutting-edge scientist from Harvard Medical School, combine insights from brain science on the inner mechanics of conflict--literally what's going on in our bodies and our brains during moments of distress--to produce a groundbreaking guide for how to navigate it, including:

• How to get out of your own way as a communicator
• Understanding the importance of timing
• How to embrace disagreement as an advantage
• Learning how to anticipate and manage defensiveness
• And more!

Conflict Resilience provides scientifically proven tools to help you drive agreement when possible, and empower you, when agreement is impossible, to strengthen your ability to speak in conflict and withstand the stress of doing so.

In these polarized times, when consensus, agreement, and problem-solving often feel elusive or even downright pointless, conflict resilience becomes the key to move forward. This book serves as a guidebook for personal growth, a way to bring people together, and an invitation to radically transform how we interact with our friends and families, our coworkers, our students, and our neighbors.

Review Quotes

"Conflict Resilience offers a powerful, practical recipe for true dialogue between people with opposing views. Robert Bordone and Joel Salinas have written exactly the book needed in our time."

"Every leader--from the halls of Congress, to C-Suites, to university administrators and local officials--should read this book. With its practical advice on how to constructively disagree, hold your ground, and still get things done in an increasingly polarized world, Conflict Resilience is simply the best book I know on how to respectfully talk about policy differences and find constructive ways to work together." - Adam Kinzinger, former U.S. Congressman (R) and New York Times bestselling author of Renegade: Defending Democracy & Liberty In Our Divided Country

"Conflict Resilience is a masterful, in-depth account of everyday conflict in which the authors share their original tools for finding greater connection amidst substantial disagreement. Knowing how to sit with uncertainty, find ease, and reach for the other side will be some of the most sought-after skills in the coming century, and Bordone and Salinas have delivered a grand gift in the form of their new book." - Jenara Nerenberg, journalist and bestselling author of Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn't Designed for You

"If you are fearful, or even just hesitant, to engage in the difficult conflicts in your personal or professional life, Conflict Resilience is for you. Full of penetrating analysis, practical hacks, and illuminating stories, and buttressed by relevant and accessible insights from neuroscience, the authors provide a roadmap through emotions that block our capacity 'to genuinely sit with and grow from conflict.' Conflict Resilience invites us into the humble yet hopeful work of learning to hold even deep disagreement." - Dr. Amy Uelmen, Director for Mission & Ministry, Georgetown University Law Center

"[A] rare gift: a practical and entertaining book with compelling lessons for entrepreneurs, CEOs, and business leaders, as well as educators, students, and parents. Replete with vivid examples, supported by the latest brain science, and full of easy-to-implement hacks, it provides a brilliant roadmap for working through our disagreements in ways that help promote connection and creative problem-solving." - Rob Waldron, Chairman, Curriculum Associates

"Bordone and Salinas begin Conflict Resilience with an important but overlooked truth: Conflict is not the problem--we are. Accepting that truth means reckoning with the deeper, internal work that is too often brushed aside in favor of quick fixes. Thankfully, the authors offer powerful and practical methods for building our capacity to not only handle but embrace the messy (and essential) work of conflict. This book is essential reading for anyone who faces friction at work or in life--that is, all of us!" - Jeff Wetzler, author of Ask: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You

"Bob Bordone and Joel Salinas are uniquely qualified to give valuable insight into the conflict that exists in everyday life. Conflict Resilience is a great read that will add depth to your thinking and practical strategies for your acting to navigate conflicts big and small." - Chris Voss, Wall Street Journal bestselling author of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended On It

"I've read many helpful how-to guides, but none as practically useful and scientifically validated as Conflict Resilience. Bordone and Salinas...offer a compelling case for why learning to sit with each other in the discomfort of our disagreement...is the best (and perhaps only) way to deepen and build genuine connection with colleagues, fellow citizens, and even family. If you're sick of the avoidance, tired of the fighting, and looking for a way to be authentic about the conflicts within yourself and the disagreements you have with others, do yourself a favor and read this powerful and timely book." - Tania Tetlow, President, Fordham University

"Conflict Resilience combines powerful neuroscience with practical expertise to redefine how we engage with disagreement. Bordone and Salinas don't just show us how to face conflict--they provide tools to transform our mental and emotional patterns for the better. They truly offer a paradigm-shifting approach to conflict. More than managing tough moments, Conflict Resilience teaches us to use conflict as a catalyst for growth, mental health, and stronger bonds. With an approach that blends science and compassion, this book is truly a game-changer for personal and professional relationships. Essential reading for anyone committed to mental well-being and healthy connections." - Dr. Laura Erickson-Scroth, MD, Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at New York University

"A masterful guide to overcoming the intense divisions engulfing our world. In this groundbreaking book, Bob Bordone and Joel Salinas uncover a surprising truth: that it is our discomfort with conflict that prevents meaningful dialogue. Offering a science-backed, practical roadmap, they empower us to embrace this discomfort and navigate tough conversations with confidence and courage. Filled with compelling stories and actionable insights, Conflict Resilience provides exactly what we need to bridge the divides in our personal and professional lives. I hope 'conflict resilience' will become the rallying call of our time, moving us boldly toward an era of greater connection." - Daniel L. Shapiro, PhD, founder and director of the Harvard International Negotiation Program and author of Negotiating the Nonnegotiable

"Conflict Resilience is the book we need now to help us weather these polarizing times and thrive in the future. A ground-breaking guide to facing our most daunting conflicts with grit, authenticity, and creativity, it reassures us that, even when resolution seems unlikely or even impossible, we need not give up or get into a shouting match. Instead, we can negotiate our disagreements directly, with empathy and authenticity, and find a path to connection, personal growth, and enduring relationships. Conflict Resilience educates, entertains, and ultimately imparts a hopeful view of how conflict can change our lives--and our world--for the better." - William Ury, co-author of Getting to Yes and author of Possible: How We Survive--and Thrive--in an Age of Conflict

"Conflict Resilience is the book that I have long wished were available. It is vital, helpful, and profound. Every student, teacher, professional, and leader urgently needs the tools it offers, for the good of our society and our well-being." - Jeannie Suk-Gersen, John H. Watson, Jr. Professor of Law, Harvard Law School and contributing writer, The New Yorker