All Toddlers Are Scorpios - by Johanna Gohmann (Hardcover)

Book Synopsis

In the spirit of There Are Moms Way Worse Than You, Go the F**k to Sleep, and Darth Vader and Son, humor writer Johanna Gohmann channels the chaos and charm of life with a toddler into this hilarious astrology guide.

"Charming, funny, and most importantly: cathartic."
--Glenn Boozan, New York Times bestselling author of There Are Moms Way Worse Than You

Parenting can be one of the most magical, hilarious, and maddening experiences known to humankind. One minute your little wonder is blowing you kisses, the next they're licking the neighbor's car. This book is for every parent who has ever felt like they've slipped through the space-time continuum while waiting for a small child to put on their shoes, or for the caregiver who can't believe the heart-crushing love they feel for someone who just threw yogurt in their face.

This is a book that lets parents laugh at the sheer insanity of sharing their home with someone who cackles when you break your toe and insists on wearing oven mitts to bed.Blending parental exasperation with cosmic insight, Gohmann breaks down toddler personalities by zodiac sign--offering a starry-eyed (and slightly frazzled) look at the joys and mysteries of raising tiny humans. The profiles of each zodiac sign include sections dedicated to best (and worst!) toddler playdate matches; toddler's preferred music, snacks, and toys; parent-child zodiac compatibility; and hilarious illustrations throughout from cartoonist Emily Flake. Whether you are raising a tenacious Taurus, a balanced Libra, or, yes, a hell-raising Scorpio, this is a book that lets parents laugh at the sheer insanity of sharing their home with a tiny terror.

Review Quotes

"Equal parts astrology, comedy, and therapy for anyone who's ever hidden in their own bathroom. Absolutely brilliant."
--Ophira Eisenberg, comic, writer, and host of PARENTING IS A JOKE podcast

"Charming, funny, and most importantly: cathartic. Off the top of my head, I can think of approximately 400 parents I would buy this for." --Glenn Boozan, NEW YORK TIMES bestselling author of THERE ARE MOMS WAY WORSE THAN YOU

"This book is the perfect gift for anyone in the delightful throes of parenting a toddler. I wish I had All Toddlers Are Scorpios to give me a late night laugh between picking out tiny Styrofoam pieces stuck in the shag rug (my toddler wanted to make it snow inside) and sweetly snuggling before getting my boob side-punched."--Lennon Parham, actor, writer, director, PLAYING HOUSE and SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE

"Johanna Gohmann is one of the funniest idiots I know. She has always made me laugh, and this book is no exception."--Jack McBrayer, actor, 30 ROCK

"For centuries, mankind has looked to the stars for guidance. It makes sense that we would turn to them to explain why our toddler is having a full-blown exorcist-level meltdown over the shape of the pasta he has eaten a hundred times before without incident. All Toddlers Are Scorpios is a perfect book for any parent or caregiver who could use a laugh--and something else to blame!"--Nicole Tersigni, author of MEN TO AVOID IN ART AND LIFE

About the Author

Johanna Gohmann is an essayist, humor writer, and children's book author whose work has appeared in The New Yorker, The Cut, and McSweeney's, among other publications. She currently makes her home in Brooklyn, where she lives with her Irish computer nerd husband and their Scorpio son. You can find her at JohannaGohmann.com and on Instagram at @johannagohmann.

Emily Flake is a cartoonist, writer, and illustrator, and a regular contributor to The New Yorker, McSweeney's, and many other publications. She is the author of Joke in a Box, That Was Awkward, and Mama Tried. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband, daughter, and alarmingly large cat. You can find her at EmilyFlake.com and on Instagram at @eflakeagogo.