Be Who You Are to Get What You Want - by Damali Peterman (Paperback)

Book Synopsis

Previously published as Negotiating While Black
Winner of the 2024 "Most Useful" Book by the Non-Obvious Book Awards

A real-world, one-of-a-kind resource for anyone who has ever been underestimated, overlooked, or misunderstood at the negotiating table.

There's no shortage of negotiation books that advise you to "get to yes," urge you to "never split the difference," and tell you to "ask for more." But one-size-fits-all tactics don't work in our complex, multifaceted, multicultural world--because they overlook the unpredictable role bias plays in most negotiations.

Luckily, the one constant you can count on in every negotiation is yourself...and when you learn to leverage who you are to your advantage, you can win every time.

Be Who You Are to Get What You Want is the book lawyer and mediator Damali Peterman wishes had existed when faced with the kind of situations that other negotiation scripts just don't consider, like navigating workplaces as the only Black woman or advocating for her son in his predominantly white classroom. Drawing on decades of training and experience as a negotiator in high-stakes situations, Peterman has developed successful strategies--like the Foundational Five skills all negotiators need and the Negotiation Superpowers that will lift you to the next level. In the process, she takes readers out of the boardroom and into real life, showing that even in the most difficult negotiation everything is potentially up for discussion, even when stakes (and emotions) are high. Using real life examples, sample scripts, and her negotiation tool kit, Peterman guides you to lean into what makes you unique--and discover how it will help your negotiations in surprising, successful ways. Because when you show up prepared and proud of who you are, you'll reap the rewards.

Review Quotes

One of Essence's Top 15 Book Picks for Summer 2024

"What sets this book about negotiation apart from others, is its emphasis on applying negotiation in every-day life through a lens of multiculturalism and the unique ways in which negotiation varies depending on the setting....A must-read for a vast spectrum of demographics from moms to teachers, to business owners and beyond." --Essence

"We are ALL negotiators, whether we realize it or not. Whether we're buying a car, applying for a loan, asking for a raise, or advocating for a loved one, we're negotiating all day, every day. This groundbreaking, powerful book teaches us how to actually ask for what we want--and sidestep any built-in bias we might encounter along the way. In Negotiating While Black, Damali Peterman shows that the only constant in every negotiation is you...and that's more than enough." --Tiffany Aliche, author of Get Good With Money

"Negotiating While Black is a real-world, everyday guide to getting what you want in any situation. Whether you're trying to haggle for a new car (ugh!) or advocating for yourself and your loved ones, there's invaluable information in here that will help you show up as yourself--and leverage that to your advantage, every time." --Sunny Hostin, cohost of The View

"Damali Peterman knows that how we're perceived can shape our ability to negotiate, so she avoids the one-size-fits-all trap that most negotiation advisors fall prey to. We're all individuals, so our style needs to reflect what's true for us--while taking into account the wrongheaded assumptions others may make. Negotiating While Black offers ideas that can help everyone: Distinguishing what you want from what you need, being authentic without oversharing, the how of avoiding defensive spirals that keep us stuck. Damali's insights on getting someone to listen even when they are biased are a revelation. Highly recommended!" --Sally Helgesen, author of How Women Rise

"Negotiating While Black offers essential advice to anyone who has felt underestimated in a negotiation." --Douglas Stone, coauthor of Difficult Conversations and Thanks for the Feedback

"Negotiating While Black fills in so many of the gaps in negotiation literature, making something that can often seem esoteric feel practical and doable. Peterman centers the reader, reminding each of us that being ourselves is our greatest superpower. This book is a gift and a guide to anyone who has been underestimated or othered." --Elaine Lin Hering, author of Unlearning Silence

"When 'please' doesn't cut it anymore and demanding is not the right move, Negotiating While Black is the book you want. It shows you the way to ask with a velvet fist. Should you miss it? Absolutely not." --North Dallas Gazette

About the Author

Damali Peterman is a highly regarded and sought-after lawyer, mediator, negotiator, educator, and speaker with nearly twenty years of experience in the alternative dispute resolution field. She is the founder and CEO of two successful, award-winning companies--Breakthrough ADR and Damali Law. Peterman currently lives outside of New York City with her husband, two young sons, and their dog.