But Dad! - by Gretchen Gross & Patricia Livingston (Paperback)

About the Book

Teen and tween girls can be mystifying, even to sensitive and caring parents. But for fathers, the changes girls go through may take on a new dimension, especially if dad is single and trying his best to navigate these years with his daughter. Here, the authors take dads throu...

Book Synopsis

Teen and tween girls can be mystifying, even to sensitive and caring parents. But for fathers, the changes girls go through may take on a new dimension, especially if dad is single and trying his best to navigate these years with his daughter. Here, the authors take dads through the ins and outs of their girls' adolescent years. Exploring issues of physical changes, relationships, sex, drugs, alcohol, school, emotional issues, and other areas, the authors offer dads, particularly single dads, the skinny on how to be there for their girls without alienating them or adding to the strain. They offer advice on simple day to day things like what to keep in the fridge and what girls like to do in their spare time, to more complicated areas like moodiness and emotions, puberty, and emerging sexuality. No father, single or otherwise, should be without this field guide to parenting a teen or tween girl.

Review Quotes

Being a father to a tween or teenage daughter is hard, but it is far more difficult if you're going it alone. Whether rendered a one-man show by divorce, death, or deployment, single fathers face a slew of unique challenges when parenting adolescent girls. They must navigate issues like menstruation, female social development (including the great, dreaded D-word: Dating), the establishment of positive male role models, and more subtle issues, like negotiating new forms of father-daughter physical contact. In addition to these dad-and-daughter topics, the book also contains useful information on general parenting areas, such as fiscal responsibility and setting boundaries. Succinct, direct, and wide-ranging, this comprehensive volume never shies away from uncomfortable topics like anorexia and suicidal ideation. Gross (a single mother and lecturer on human relationships and sexuality at the University of Vermont) and Livingston (an RN) have done an excellent job of creating a thoughtful and readable parenting guide, without getting too preachy or maudlin. However, the authors warn that even if their guide works wonders, don't anticipate an overtly grateful daughter--rather, fathers should expect something along the lines of, "That book just looks stupid, Dad...Don't think you'll find anything in that book that will work on me!" Rest assured, dads--you will.

Gross and Livingston are single mothers who have raised daughters. So what qualifies them to write a book about single fathers raising daughters? Their expertise in being female and knowing all about cramps, cliques, makeup, hormones, and eating disorders. Also the fact that so few men have deep knowledge of or are comfortable with those subjects. Speaking from experience as mothers of daughters and as a relationships counselor and a nurse, respectively, the authors are very accessible and matter-of-fact on the challenges a single father is likely to face raising daughters. They note that there are many books addressing mother-daughter issues but very few on father-daughter issues. They explain tween and teen developmental issues and offer strategies for dealing with the particular challenges of raising daughters, whether the father is divorced or widowed. They cover training bras, boyfriends, feminine hygiene, sex, drugs, and alcohol as well as the challenges of developing new routines and traditions as families are reconfigured. A helpful resource for men who may be embarrassed to ask other women for advice on how to raise their daughters.

Teenage girls can seem like aliens to fathers, and authors Gross and Livingston (Univ. of Vermont) here offer nuts-and-bolts help for everything from nurturing a relationship to choosing a maxi pad. Gearing their work toward the "single dad who may not have a woman in his life with whom to confer about issues...such as sex, friendships, boyfriends, alcohol and drugs, and personal hygiene," the authors take a frank but encouraging approach. In general, they give good, solid advice on normal developmental changes in a reader-friendly format and include bullet lists that fathers can refer to with confidence, such as tips for stocking a bathroom.

This book, with its practical application and reader friendly guidance, will welcome a whole generation of fathers back into confident parent status with their daughters. Supportive and useful, this information will inspire and equip fathers with the tools they need to nurture (and even ENJOY!) their daughters on their often tricky paths to adulthood.


Whether through divorce, death, or adoption, we dads who find ourselves single-parenting young girls want to be the very best dads we can be. This no nonsense guide is like having a couple of older sisters--one a nurse and one a counselor--providing the keys to the mysterious and essential world of young and adolescent girls. From texting to tampons and bras to boundaries, these women have it covered. Your relationship with your daughter, and ultimately hers with the world, will be better for this easy and engaging read.

About the Author

Gretchen Grossis a lecturer at University of Vermont, where she teaches courses on human relationships and sexuality. She is and a licensed clinical social worker with 25 years direct counseling, private practice, teaching and workshop and presentation experience.In her private practice she has counseled parents on issues related to divorce and parenting, communication, sexuality and child rearing. She is a contributing author on sexuality in "Glass's Office Gynecology" and was on the review panel for the journal "Women in Therapy". Each month, she contributes a column on life as a single mom called "Solo Act" to Vermont Woman. She has presented at national and international professional conferences on topics of reproductive decision making, substance abuse, physicians and stress management, and teaching health professionals to feel more comfortable talking with and assessing clients for sexual dysfunction.

Patricia Livingston is a registered nurse with more than 25 years of direct clinical practice at the University of Vermont Student Women's Health Service. She has counseled hundreds of young women who are having their first gynecological exam, engaging them in the process while easing them through an important 'first.' She has been the clinical preceptor to medical residents and nurse practitioner students. She has been a guest lecturer in classrooms, dorms, and sororities, and a founding member of the clinical team at UVM that established clinical protocol and policy for students identified with eating disorders.