If I Could Go Back - by Briana Johnson (Hardcover)

About the Book

"Struggling with anxiety and feelings of abandonment, Aaliyah secretly contacts her parents who left her as a toddler, upsetting her grandfather and the family who has always supported her"--

Book Synopsis

An achingly compassionate and beautifully empathetic novel exploring the intersections of race, mental health, and the meaning of family--perfect for fans of Robin Benway's Far from the Tree and Jas Hammonds' We Deserve Monuments.

For Aaliyah Campbell, family is everything. Her cousin Ivy is her best friend and track costar, and Grandpa Joe is her rock. He may be crotchety and dramatic, but he's raised Aaliyah since she was a toddler. Still, Aaliyah can't stop thinking about what's missing--her parents.

When Aaliyah secretly contacts her mom, Lena, she risks upsetting the family who's always been there for her. But Grandpa Joe refuses to explain why her parents gave her up and, without answers, Aaliyah cannot silence the anxious voice telling her she's never been good enough.

Aaliyah is hardly surprised when Lena ghosts her, though she's shocked when her dad, Quincy, steps up instead. Quincy turns out to be immature but surprisingly fun to hang out with. And when the rest of the family finds out they're in contact, old secrets will finally be forced into the light.

Aaliyah Campbell is a champion for young Black girls coping with anxiety and depression, and a voice for all teens navigating the messy process of learning how to advocate for ones' self. Through honest storytelling and a voice that oozes humor and heart, Briana Johnson's memorable debut explores sensitive topics with authenticity and compassion.

Review Quotes

The story, which unfolds over the second half of Aaliyah's senior year, is very quickly paced, sustaining readers' interest, while offering deep characterization. A deeply emotional and complex novel that looks at how we define family.
--Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

Johnson's young adult debut is rich with tight, complicated family bonds, with Aaliyah and Grandpa Joe's relationship as the beating heart of the book. Aaliyah is passionate about running track, and her commitment to her sport and genuine love of it enrich the story. The plot twists and turns throughout Aaliyah's budding relationship with Lena and Quincy, leading to unexpected conclusions.
--Booklist

If I Could Go Back is a poignant deep-dive into the messy intricacies of family--how they twist us up and push us down and lift us back up again. A stunning debut.
--A.L. Graziadei, award-winning author of Icebreaker

Tender, powerful, and equal parts funny and poignant. This story of Aaliyah--a girl searching for belonging amidst abandonment--shines with hard-won hope. With remarkable writing and emotional depth, it explores the weight of generational wounds and the healing power of truth, love, and chosen family. A stunning exploration of what it means to bloom from broken roots.
--Jay Coles, critically acclaimed author of Tyler Johnson Was Here

A heartfelt debut about the uncertainty that goes hand-in-hand with growing up and moving forward. If I Could Go Back made me feel deeply for Aaliyah and gave me a stronger sense of compassion for both my teenage and present-day self.
--Ciera Burch, author of Out of Step, Into You

If I Could Go Back will make a home in readers' hearts and minds for years to come. Briana Johnson captures with ease the delicate balancing act of choosing between yourself and your family. A relatable, realistic coming-of-age story with exceptional mental health representation.
--Cassandra Newbould, author of Things I'll Never Say

About the Author

A Chicago native, Briana Johnson now lives in the South Side. She graduated from the University of Maryland-Global Campus with a degree in Computer Network and Cybersecurity. If I Could Go Back is her debut novel. Find her on X and Instagram @wikipediabri.