Out of Control - by Shefali Tsabary (Paperback)

About the Book

Every parent wants the golden key to raising well-behaved, academically gifted, successful, happy children. Embedded in our collective psyche is the notion that discipline is the cornerstone to achieving these goals. This book lambasts this notion, offering a never-before-published perspective on why the entire premise of discipline is flawed. Dr. Shefali Tsabary shows that the very idea of discipline is a major cause of generations of dysfunction. "Out of Control" goes to the heart of the problems we have with our children, challenging society's dependence of discipline, daring us to let go of our fear-based ideologies and replace them with an approach that draws parent and child together instead of alienating them. The key is ongoing meaningful connection between parent and child, free of head games such as threats, deprivation, punishment, timeouts--indeed, all forms of manipulation. Parents learn how to enter into deep communion with their children, understanding the reasons for a behavior and how to bring out the best in the child. Far from a laissez-faire anything goes approach, this is how a child learns responsibility and takes ownership of their life, equipped with character and resilience that flow naturally from within.

Book Synopsis

A breakthrough book in conscious parenting, from the New York Times bestselling author of The Conscious Parent

Are you tired of yelling, punishing, or using timeouts--only to watch your child repeat the same behavior? In Out of Control, clinical psychologist and parenting expert Dr. Shefali Tsabary offers a radically different approach that goes far beyond traditional discipline.

Grounded in the principles of conscious parenting, this powerful book invites parents to break free from outdated models of control and shift toward a parenting without punishment framework. Dr. Shefali reveals how attempts to "correct" or "discipline" children often ignore the real issue: our own emotional triggers and unmet expectations.

In this transformative guide, you'll learn how to:

• Use positive discipline parenting strategies based on empathy and respect
• Build deeper connections through mindful parenting practices
• Raise emotionally healthy children who are self-aware and confident
• Empower your child through emotional intelligence instead of fear
• Let go of control and create a home rooted in mutual trust and presence

More than just a parenting book, Out of Control is a wake-up call to all caregivers ready to parent through connection, not control. Dr. Shefali helps you develop the tools to foster growth, accountability, and wholeness--both in yourself and in your child.

If you're ready to replace old habits with conscious choices and cultivate a more peaceful, fulfilling parenting journey, this book is for you.

From the Back Cover

Where did the belief come from that we need to discipline our children if they are to grow up into individuals who are well adjusted and who make something of their lives?
Out of Control reveals how the very discipline we impose to control behavior is in reality a major cause of bad behavior, disrespect for adults, and dysfunction such as bullying, hostility toward family and society, drugs, alcoholism, and teen suicide.
Dr Tsabary asserts that to parent effectively requires us to develop a deep connection with our children, so that we address the feelings that drive a child's behavior instead of punishing. "When we tackle the reason for the behavior," says Dr Tsabary, "it automatically changes."
Far from a laissez-faire, "anything goes" approach, Dr Tsabary advocates for a high level of parental resolve that majors not in control, but in helping a child develop a sense of personal responsibility.
Authentic connection, in which children can be real with their parents, leads to a home in which self-discipline prevails-- both for the child and the parent.
The need to "impose our will" on our children evaporates, leading to respect, ownership of one's life, and a strong character marked by a resilience that flows naturally from within.

Review Quotes

About the Author

Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., received her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University, New York. Dr. Shefali was exposed to Eastern philosophy at an early age and integrates its teachings with Western psychology. This blend of East and West allow her to reach a global audience and establishes her as one of a kind in the field of mindfulness psychology. She lectures extensively on mindful living and conscious parenting around the world and currently has a private psychotherapy practice in New York City. She has a strong following on social media, posts regularly on Huffington Post, and can be seen on uTube and Ted Talk. Her books include It's a Mom: What You Should Know about the Early Years of Motherhood and The Conscious Parent, which has been heavily endorsed by Oprah Winfrey. She lives in New York City.