The One You Want to Marry (and Other Identities I've Had) - by Sophie Santos (Paperback)

About the Book

A hilarious and heartfelt memoir about finding your true voice by Sophie Santos, the fearless comic and host of The Lesbian Agenda. From the self-proclaimed Queen of the Stunted Late Bloomers and one of the most exciting emerging voices in comedy comes an honestly funny memoir about the awkward, cringeworthy, hilarious, and longest possible journey of coming of age and into her own.--

Book Synopsis

A hilarious and heartfelt memoir about finding your true voice by Sophie Santos, the fearless comic and host of The Lesbian Agenda.

From the self-proclaimed Queen of the Stunted Late Bloomers and one of the most exciting emerging voices in comedy comes an honestly funny memoir about the awkward, cringeworthy, hilarious, and longest possible journey of coming of age and into her own.

The only child of a perpetually transferring Filipino-Spanish US Army officer and a spitfire nurse, Sophie Santos spent her early years starting over again and again--and accumulating her fair share of anxieties. Growing up in 99.6 percent white communities, where girls had to learn to flash Vaseline-capped smiles before they'd be considered real women, Sophie adapted. Determined to fit in, she transformed from a tomboy misfit into a hormone-crazed beauty pageant contestant and a southern sorority girl, among other personalities. She nailed each role she took on, not shockingly, but nothing seemed to fit her true self.

In her twenties, floundering and locked in her bedroom with lesbian YouTube clips playing on repeat, Sophie began to understand that her true self might be more tomboy misfit than southern belle. That realization set her off on a journey that led her through an unexpected lesbian puberty and eventually toward a New York comedy career.

Review Quotes

One of Shondaland's Best Books of October 2021

"[A] hilarious, identity-affirming memoir...a must read for anyone who has ever struggled to just be." --Shondaland

"Her breezy tone feels intimate and makes the more serious and somber moments--such as her first comprehension of race (and the term 'ethnically ambiguous'), her struggles with mental health, and rueful admissions of having mistreated former girlfriends--hit all the harder. LGBTQ millennials are sure to find a kindred spirit, warts and all, in these clever pages." --Publishers Weekly

"Sophie Santos isn't your average comedian...she details the plot points of her own life--like constant moves due to her dad's gig in the Army and her stint in pageantry--with hilarious aplomb." --Entertainment Weekly

"Kept me completely enthralled throughout...written in a casual, intensely readable style that reminds me of reading someone's diary, complete with an uncensored look at every aspect of their life...Santos does not shy away...it's a story about running from yourself, chasing mirages of who you are, and what happens when you're finally forced to stand still and face yourself...it's a messy process, and this book embraces that. I hope that young readers that feel like they're doing it wrong, who are embarrassed about how long it took them to come out, or who are struggling to get stability in their adult identities, find this book." --Book Riot's All the Books podcast

"Quite funny. Santos rips through stories that are awkward, painfully relatable or even deeply embarrassing...that frankness helped me keep rooting for her...a story that's less about coming out and more about finally coming into your own." --Autostraddle

"Her ability to chameleon herself into different roles has served Santos well as a performer, and there are certainly some hilarious stories that have come of it -- some laugh-out-loud funny, others intensely cringe -- but that doesn't mean she's had it easy. In The One You Want to Marry, Santos frankly discusses her mental health struggles, and revisits some of her own bad behavior. She's no saint, but she's human, and it's that messiness we love." --Ilana Masad via them.

"Sophie Santos is a surprising and gifted writer, and I'm grateful to her for sharing her many lives with me, and us all, with this terrific debut that made me LAUGH, and then laugh more." --Matt Rogers, comedian, entertainer, and cohost of the Las Culturistas podcast

"Very honest, very funny, a total delight. The one you want to read." --Isaac Oliver, author of Intimacy Idiot