Achieving a Good Death - by Chris Palmer (Hardcover)

About the Book

People have choices and options at the end of their lives. Designing and directing their own end-of-life journeys allows them to find meaning and fulfillment right up to the end. This book aims to help people die well when the time comes, as it eventually does for everyone. It is possible for dying to be marked by serenity, acceptance, love, comfort, and a sense of completeness.

Book Synopsis

Death is inevitable, dying badly is not. A good death is achievable, and this book explains how.
There is an art to dying well that can be taught and learned. While death is inevitable, dying badly is not. This practical guide to achieving a good death will reduce the fear that often cloaks discussions about death and dying and give readers the knowledge and skills to achieve a peaceful and gentle death.
With the multiple options available at the end of life, people can design and direct their end-of-life journey so they have as fulfilling and meaningful life as possible right up to the end and achieve the elusive good death when the time comes. Chapters focus on essential elements of living well and preparing for a good death including:
Death cleaning so we don't burden our loved ones with a big messTalking with loved ones and doctors about our end-of-life wishes and aspirations so they know what matters to us and how we want to be treatedWriting a legacy letter (an ethical will) and a memoir to let loved ones know what is deep in our hearts.Understanding caregivers, an under-appreciated group of people, usually unpaid women, who number in the millions.The benefits of palliative care, hospice care, and end-of-life doulas and the necessary vigilance to get the most out of these essential services.End-of-life options, including medical-aid-in-dying (MAID) and voluntarily stopping eating and drinking (VSED).What it's like to die and how to help people as they die.Options for disposition of the body of a loved one (or your own body) after death, especially in an economically and ecologically responsible wayPlanning commemorations and celebrations of life.The nature of grief, including how to deal with it, and why it is often unbearably painful.This thoughtful and gentle guide, exploring one of the most difficult human topics, equips every reader with the information they need to overcome the anxiety and confusion that so often overwhelms end-of-life planning so they may intentionally plan for "a good death" that will provide comfort for all during one's final act.

Review Quotes

"As a physician for many years, I wish I had Chris Palmer's book Achieving a Good Death as a resource for my patients and families. He tackles head-on the practical issues we all face but shy away from dealing with them. Each of us deserves a dignified and meaningful end of life, and this book is a sure-fire guide to achieving that noble goal." --Kurt Newman, MD, president emeritus, Children's National Hospital, and author of Healing Children: A Surgeon's Stories from the Frontiers of Pediatric Medicine

"Palmer, an astute and sensitive researcher, has culled, sorted, and presented the best from many evidence-based sources. He gives voice to unspoken fears like degradation, pity, and shame and adds valuable and original suggestions for ethical wills, legacy letters, memoirs, and eulogies from his expertise as a writer and storyteller. Bravo for this eminently helpful and deeply meaningful book." --Barbara Coombs Lee, author of Finish Strong: Putting Your Priorities First at Life's End, and president emerita/senior advisor, Compassion and Choices

"With insightful prose and personal anecdotes, Palmer challenges the sanitized portrayal of death prevalent in media and confronts the taboo surrounding discussions about mortality. Readers are encouraged to embrace the reality of death as a natural part of life, empowering them to approach the end with dignity, agency, and peace. A thought-provoking, must-read that invites readers to contemplate the profound meaning of life and the importance of living fully until the very end." --Mikhail Kogan, MD, medical director, GW Center for Integrative Medicine, associate professor of medicine, and associate director of Geriatric Fellowship at George Washington University; author of Integrative Geriatric Medicine

"Chris Palmer sheds light on the elusive 'good death' and provides solid, practical advice for how to take control and have agency in living and dying well. For those of us in the aging field, Palmer's book is a refreshing complement to his insightful workshops on death and dying. Achieving a Good Death belongs in everyone's personal library and should be shared with family and friends." --Barbara Hughes Sullivan, executive director, Village to Village Network

"Chris Palmer has written an important and incredibly useful book designed to give the reader the skills and knowledge to live fully to the end of life and to have a good death. Everyone should read this book and imbibe its wisdom." --Steven Petrow, contributing columnist, The Washington Post, and author of Stupid Things I Won't Do When I Get Old

"Achieving a Good Death: A Practical Guide to the End of Life is just EXCELLENT. It addresses all of the areas involved in end-of-life decision-making and educates about the actual dying process and grieving. Comprehensive, direct, and not overly medically phrased, this book is for caregivers, grievers, and those who want a more sacred end-of-life experience." --Barbara Karnes, RN, hospice pioneer, and author of Gone From My Sight: The Dying Experience

"Chris Palmer's Achieving a Good Death is an exceptional compendium of everything one needs to know to deliberately complete one's life journey with the best chances of avoiding a medicalized death, a ruptured family, and a legacy of grief, second-guessing, and what-ifs. From the medical aspects of dying well to the legal aspects of advance directives, including the social aspects of supporting one's family and caregivers and dealing with the American funeral industry, Palmer covers it all calmly and eloquently. This masterful discussion of all possible end-of-life issues is capped with personalized examples of instructions to physicians about end-of-life wishes and touching examples of ethical wills. Study this carefully; you and your family will undoubtedly benefit from it." --Samuel Harrington, MD, author of At Peace: Choosing a Good Death After a Long Life

"Achieving a Good Death by Chris Palmer is a major accomplishment and has the potential to help us all achieve a good death ourselves. I urge everyone to read this book and give it to their friends and family as a gift. Palmer covers every aspect of aging, dying, and death, including death cleaning, ethical wills, memoirs, advance directives, voluntarily stopping eating and drinking, human composting, funeral planning, and more. The book is lucidly written and superbly informed, totally enjoyable, and profoundly wise. I cannot recommend it highly enough." --Katrina Spade, founder and CEO of Recompose

"In this important and inspiring book, Palmer presents a comprehensive and detailed plan for achieving a gentle, humane, and dignified end of life. It is a must-read for anyone who will one day die." --Dan Morheim, MD, former Maryland state legislator, emergency-medicine physician, and author of Preparing for a Better End

"Chris Palmer takes the fear, mystery, and anxiety from those facing death and provides practical, informative, and helpful advice to families in their time of need. Achieving a Good Death helps honor our loved ones and comfort the bereaved. It should be on the bedstand of every person who will face dying--in other words, everyone. Palmer's outstanding book is a gift to the death care industry and the families we serve." --Glenn S. Easton, executive director of the Garden of Remembrance Memorial Park, the first certified Hybrid Green Burial Cemetery in Maryland

"This is a must-read for anyone committed to maintaining control of their life to the end. Chris Palmer has covered all the important moments likely to arise in those final days, weeks, and months, making it a comprehensive resource." --Jessica Nutik Zitter, MD, MPH, Founder of Reel Medicine Media, and author of Extreme Measures: Finding a Better Path to the End of Life

"Chris Palmer is a fearless author who expertly leads us into a new and vital vision of death. In Achieving a Good Death, as in his previous books, he guides the reader with an expert, thoughtful hand. This topic is universal; the book is essential." --Lawrence T. Bowles, MD, PhD, former Dean of George Washington University Medical School

"At last, the operator's manual for humans we didn't get at birth--and it's chock full of practical details and insight, written with understanding and humor by a fellow traveler. While many who advise about dying often go silent in the aftermath of the death itself, Chris Palmer plunges right ahead with pinpoint facts and heart-led observations that prepare us in every way for the full possibilities inherent in dying, deathcare, and disposition. I urge you to read this book!" --Lee Webster, funeral reform advocate, former President of the National Home Funeral Alliance, and co-founder of the National End-of-Life Doula Alliance

"Chris Palmer shares his versatile repertoire of worldly wisdom and practical information about the universal experience of coming to the end of life. Even for those disinclined to do any practical planning, this easy-to-read guide provides key principles that spare our loved ones the agonizing tasks of guessing what kind of personal and medical care we desire if we can no longer articulate our wishes. Achieving a Good Death lights our way in the most gentle and reassuring way and should be required reading for all adults!" --Elizabeth L. Cobbs, MD; Fellow, American Academy of Hospice and Palliative Medicine; Fellow, American Geriatrics Society; Professor, Medicine, Geriatrics, Hospice and Palliative Medicine, George Washington University

"How refreshing to read a prepare-for-the-end guide with the guts to include what so many of us want to know. How do I hasten my death if I'm faced with a future that I find unacceptable? Hats off to Chris Palmer for looking us in the eye and answering." --Lowrey Brown, Exit Guide Program Director for Final Exit Network

"Just when you think it's safe to bypass the "Death and Dying" section at your local bookstore or library...Kudos to Chris Palmer, who has penned a remarkable compendium of what all of us need to know in order to die well. Read this book, then buy an extra copy for your family and friends." --Sara Williams, president, Funeral Consumers Alliance

"Chris Palmer somehow provides a comforting approach to a traditionally unapproachable topic. He soothes daunting fears about death and aging and turns them into a source of motivation to strive for a full, intentional, and present life. I'm a big fan of Chris Palmer's work across his breadth of topics and am especially grateful for Achieving a Good Death. This book is so important and near and dear to my heart. It gives me the bravery to dig deep enough and go for what I truly want and the guidance for considering the wishes of my loved ones--now through the end of life." --Cyn Meyer, author of From Aimless to Amazing: The Rewire Retirement Method and founder of Second Wind Movement

"In a comprehensive but highly readable format, Chris Palmer has addressed all the concerns, issues, and questions that friends, colleagues, and patients typically raise regarding the end of life--well done." --Michael J. Strauss, MD, MPH, President, Marylanders for End-of-Life Options

"Chris Palmer thoughtfully captures the depth and breadth of this hard and holy conversation we all fear to have, and yet without it, a good death is surely denied. Everyone who will die should read this book and take its profound message to heart. You only die once. This manual will better ensure we don't mess it up. Give to your parents, your adult children, your clinicians, and your clergy. Give it to those you love and who love you." --Dixcy Bosley, RN, MSN, FNP, clinical nurse care manager, hospice nurse, and end-of-life activist

"Chris Palmer's book, Achieving a Good Death, deserves a place on your bookshelf as a classic next to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's On Death and Dying. He shows us that "death encourages us to live our best life" and offers practical advice on how to do so. Palmer provides invaluable guidance about advance directives, the "hard conversation" about end-of-life care, hospice, palliative care, "green burials" and other eco-friendly body disposition choices, and many other topics. Everyone should read this profoundly insightful book." --Dick Jung, creator and author of the multimedia biography Michael Kirst: An Uncommon Academic

"Chris Palmer's comprehensive, easy-to-read guide covers everything you need to know before you go. We are all going to die, so use it to help your loved ones today!" --Gail Rubin, CT, author of A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don't Plan to Die

"Chris Palmer has written an invaluable guide to the overwhelming decisions that most of us run from until we find ourselves facing the inevitable. He sets out crystal-clear options for everything from household decluttering and end-of-life care to a surprisingly broad array of burial choices. His courageous, unflinching guidance brings the seemingly unfathomable within our grasp." --Philip Warburg, former president of the Conservation Law Foundation and author of Harvest the Wind and Harness the Sun

"Those of us who desire a peaceful, dignified, and compassionate end-of-life experience must read Chris Palmer's new book, Achieving a Good Death. Having a sensitive guide at the end of life is extremely helpful, and Chris Palmer is the perfect guide. This book provides the tools to navigate the challenging final chapter of life. Please read it and pass it on!" --David Schrier, MD, Chief Medical Office, Montgomery Hospice and Prince George's Hospice

"Chris Palmer, a popular guest on the Positive Aging Discussion Series, offers readers a comprehensive guide in his book, Achieving a Good Death. This book is a valuable resource for those seeking a peaceful and dignified end-of-life experience. Palmer's insights and practical advice provide comfort and clarity, making it an essential read for anyone navigating the complexities of aging and end-of-life planning." --Steve Gurney, founder and director of the Positive Aging Community

"Chris Palmer's Achieving a Good Death takes an often daunting topic and makes it wonderfully approachable. Through a deeply personal and well-researched approach, he demystifies the steps necessary to exit the world without fear of loose ends. Palmer does a masterful job of providing a comprehensive yet easily digestible overview of what constitutes a good death. As an end-of-life physician, I highly recommend this book to help guide patients facing the great beyond." --Donald Moore, MD, end-of-life physician and founder of Eumoria Health

"This book on end-of-life concerns, questions, decisions, and opportunities is a gem! It is a comprehensive but easy read, well organized, and indeed practical. Chris Palmer is a clear, well-reasoned voice in our ongoing societal conversations about dying with dignity, autonomy, and comfort. He stresses the key importance of conversations and advance planning, moves through the various options for a good death, and then covers the new variety of options for burial. It is probably the best, most straightforward book I've read on this topic!" --Rev. Susan Flanders, episcopal priest and the author of If I Ever Lose My Mind: Aid in Dying With Advanced Dementia

"An essential new book about an age-old topic. Achieving a Good Death won't save your life, but it just might save you from one of the many ways in which it is possible to die badly (all documented in detail in the book). If you're currently in your senior years, I have one thing to say: "You owe it to yourself to read this book!" --Mardy Grothe, author of Oxymoronica, I Never Metaphor I Didn't Like, and other books

"As a physician and now a natural cemeterian, dealing with death has been a difficult topic to discuss. In Chris Palmer's book, Achieving A Good Death, he is able to carefully walk us through fears we may face and educate us along the way to make the process meaningful and peaceful." --Howard K. Berg, MD, owner of the Serenity Ridge Natural Burial Cemetery

"Achieving a Good Death is an extraordinary guide for completing a purposeful, enjoyable, fulfilling, and meaningful life until the very last of our days. It also helps us to create a legacy that will have a lasting impact on those we love. This masterpiece of a book is about LIFE and LOVE. Palmer summarizes everything we must do to relish life until the last minute. He shares many first-hand examples of how to accomplish it. Our favorite tip: Toast letters. What a gift this book is! Don't wait - it's always too late but never too early to start your own journey!" --Nacho Moreno and Farah Baxter, founders of Soalma, the legacy planning and sharing platform

"At a time when we feel increasingly unable to deal with death, there are few opportunities to contemplate our inescapable expiration date. In elegant prose and with clarity and compassion, Chris Palmer's book Achieving a Good Death offers just such an opportunity. Making a graceful departure is a choice we all have. But as Palmer argues, getting it right depends on how we approach the hard questions. In this book, he eloquently shows us how." --Sarah Murray, author of Making an Exit: From the Magnificent to the Macabre-How We Dignify the Dead

"The world needs more Chris Palmers, helping us turn our fleeting attention to the wonder of life and its ends. Fortunately for us, he's written this book." --BJ Miller, MD, co-founder of Mettle Health and author of A Beginner's Guide to the End

"Achieving a Good Death: A Practical Guide to the End of Life is a comprehensive exploration of death and dying in America, covering both the philosophical and the practical. Author Chris Palmer serves as a humane and knowledgeable guide to our final days. He eloquently shares his personal journey making end-of-life plans and coming to terms with mortality, inspiring readers to confidently navigate the many endings in their own lives. His book is an engaging read cover to cover and a handy reference I will revisit again and again." --Sarah Weinstein, executive director, Hemlock Society of San Diego

About the Author

Chris Palmer is an end-of-life activist and a trained hospice volunteer. He founded and currently leads an aging, death, and dying group for the Bethesda Metro Area Village and serves on the board of several nonprofits focused on end-of-life issues, including Montgomery Hospice and Prince George's Hospice, Final Exit Network, Funeral Consumers Alliance, Hemlock Society of San Diego, and the Maryland Office of Cemetery Oversight. He has written ten books and frequently gives presentations and workshops to community groups on aging, death, and dying issues. Proceeds from all his books fund scholarships for American University (AU) students, where he served 14 years on AU's full-time faculty as Distinguished Film Producer in Residence. Before becoming involved in end-of-life issues, he spent forty years as a wildlife and conservation filmmaker. To learn more, visit www.ChrisPalmerOnline.com.