Conversion Therapy Dropout - by Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez (Hardcover)

About the Book

Book Synopsis

A gay Christian's behind-the-scenes account of evangelical megachurches and eight years in conversion therapy before finding wholeness and authenticity.

Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez was an invisible architect behind evangelical Christianity's digital empire, crafting messages of belonging for some of the most influential megachurches -- Hillsong Church, Elevation Church, Willow Creek -- all while secretly questioning his own place within the faith.

In a desperate attempt to "fix" himself, he turned to conversion therapy, spending eight years trying to pray the gay away. And he wasn't alone. More than 700,000 people in the US have undergone some form of conversion therapy. Even though Exodus International, the largest ex-gay organization, closed in 2013, the practice still thrives in many conservative religious communities. After years of this harmful "therapy," Schraeder Rodriguez's sexuality never changed. But his faith did.The more time he spent in evangelical Christianity, the more he witnessed the hypocrisy of institutions that claimed to love everyone while quietly pushing people like him into silence. But Schraeder Rodriguez wouldn't remain silent. Instead, he forged a new path, discovering a vibrant faith beyond the constraints of non-affirming theology and finding a community that embraced his whole self.

Conversion Therapy Dropout is a behind-the-scenes look at megachurch culture, the hidden harm of non-affirming Christian spaces, and the ongoing impact of conversion therapy on gay Christians. This isn't just a coming-out story -- it's about what happens after. About rebuilding a life outside the only world you've ever known. And the radical act of stepping into the light after being told your whole life to stay in the shadows. Sometimes, the greatest act of faith isn't holding on -- it's letting go.

Review Quotes

"Schraeder Rodriguez guides us through evangelical megachurching, private struggle, and public silence--and what emerges is rooted in honesty, compassion, and the sacred claim that all people are made in God's image. A powerful contribution to both queer theology and the future of faith communities." --Jen Hatmaker, five-time New York Times bestselling author and host of the For the Love podcast

"This raw and moving read offers a critical look into the realities of undergoing conversion therapy--a dangerous, discredited practice that, sadly, continues to harm young people across the United States today. Schraeder Rodriguez's story serves as a powerful reminder of the resilience of our community." --Jaymes Black, CEO of The Trevor Project

"I wish I had this book when I was twenty-five, when I was still trying to fit my queerness into the shape of what I was taught God could love. I pray it's read widely and leaves ripples of hope in its wake." --Jedidiah Jenkins, New York Times bestselling author of To Shake the Sleeping Self

"As a queer man navigating faith, identity, and belonging, Schraeder Rodriguez challenges the harmful systems that shaped him and reclaims his story with honesty and heart." --Curtis Chin, author of the Stonewall Book Awared Honor recipient memoir Everything I Learned, I Learned in a Chinese Restaurant

"There's no manual for being gay, but in Conversion Therapy Dropout, Schraeder Rodriguez offers something more powerful: raw, radiant field notes on survival, belonging, and becoming." --Greg Marshall, author of Leg

"A wildly honest, hopefully potent true story--one that's bound to ruffle feathers, turn over tables, and change minds. Powerful, earnest, this book is a grace for queer folk and our allies and a lifeline for those still existing in closets or among unaffirming communities." --Matthew Paul Turner, #1 New York Times bestselling author of What Is God Like? and When God Made You

"Rarely have I read something so capable of breaking a heart and mending it in the same breath. This is a book I will be sharing with everyone I know who still believes the gospel is good news for us all." --Joseph Awuah-Darko, artist, writer, and creator of The Last Supper Project

In today's increasingly polarized world, nuanced narratives like this are essential for building bridges of empathy and unconditional love. I felt so deeply connected to this story of searching for faith as a queer person, and I know I won't be the last." --Philip Calabro, PFLAG NYC

"Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez doesn't just survive the machine that nearly destroyed him--he dismantles it, helping to shut down the largest 'ex-gay' ministry in the world. This story is so outrageous that it reads like spiritual fiction, except every devastating detail is true. Conversion Therapy Dropout is a mesmerizing memoir about the secret life of the most influential Christian you've never heard of. But more than that, it's a masterpiece of spiritual archaeology, unearthing hope from the ruins of religious trauma. A rare book that manages to be both a love letter to the church and a manifesto for its overdue transformation." --Jonathan Merritt, award-winning writer on religion and culture, and contributor to The Atlantic

"This book needs to be read. It needs to be read by people who are looking for a freedom denied them by their faith communities. It also needs to be read by people who lead those faith communities, making reckless promises and capitalizing on wasting the energies, time--and sometimes lives--of those whose dignity deserves to be recognized, not rubbished." --Pádraig Ó Tuama, Poetry Unbound