Growing Up with Addiction - by Tian Dayton (Paperback)

Book Synopsis

From the leading expert on adult children of addicts, an essential guide to healing wounds of growing up with addiction and family dysfunction

"Required reading for understanding the full picture of recovery, repair, and reclaiming our true selves."--Aimie Apigian, MD, author of The Biology of Trauma

Approximately 76 million adults in the U.S. share a family history of addiction. In this urgently needed resource, Dr. Tian Dayton draws on decades of expertise to help adult children of addicts (ACAs) recover from family trauma, reconnect with themselves, and heal relational wounds.

If you've grown up with a parent's addiction, it can leave a profound imprint on your development. Its ripple effects reach into every corner of adulthood--how you partner, parent, work, and form friendships. "Relational trauma weaves into the fabric of your life, shaping how you see yourself and the world," writes Dr. Dayton. "It can leave you questioning your worth, mistrusting intimacy, and feeling disconnected from your inner world." But it doesn't have to stay this way.

This book helps you explore the illness that shaped your family, understand the imprint it left on you, and set out on a path towards inner and relational recovery. "Healing begins with learning to distinguish real danger from old, outdated alarms," writes Dr. Dayton. "It requires tuning into your nervous system, tracing your automatic reactions, and gently questioning the distorted beliefs and fear states your wounds left behind." Throughout the book, you will learn how to:

- Process attachment wounds and cognitive distortions caused by gaslighting and denial
- Reawaken and reconnect with your body in ways that feel safe and grounding
- Understand your emotions and regulate them when they feel out of control
- Grieve unspoken losses and let your inner child find its own, authentic voice
- Heal from long-term CPTSD and codependency and find post-traumatic growth

Grounded in research, enriched by client voices and narratives, and filled with experiential processes, light a path unearthing buried pain and transforming it into meaning and purpose. This book empowers you to flourish in recovery, break the chain of intergenerational dysfunction, and create a compassionate and connected future for yourself and those you love.

Review Quotes

"In Growing Up with Addiction, Dr. Tian Dayton compassionately gives voice to the wounded child parts and burdens carried by adult children of addiction. This book offers not just insight but deep empathy--illuminating how internal systems impacted by addiction can find pathways toward integration, resilience, and wholeness. A deeply needed contribution to both clinical and personal transformation." --Richard C. Schwartz, PhD, founder of Internal Family Systems, author of No Bad Parts

"In Growing Up with Addiction, Tian Dayton offers a compassionate and insightful exploration of the intergenerational impact of relational trauma. By interweaving personal narrative, clinical wisdom, and embodied therapeutic practices, she creates a compelling bridge between lived experience and emerging neurobiology. Her willingness to share her own history adds rare authenticity, keeping the reader engaged on a deeply personal level. Just as importantly, her decades of clinical practice bring depth, clarity, and grounded insight to complex emotional and relational dynamics. This book serves as both an accessible introduction and a valuable resource for anyone seeking to understand--and heal--the legacy of trauma in families." --Stephen Porges, PhD, creator of Polyvagal Theory, author of The Polyvagal Theory and Safe and Sound

"Dr. Dayton has written the book I wish I'd had when I first began to understand how deeply childhood experiences shape us. What sets this book apart is its embodied approach; it doesn't just explain why ACAs struggle, it shows them how to rewire their nervous systems through experiential practices. As someone who trains practitioners worldwide in addressing the impact of relational trauma on our biology, I can say this is required reading for understanding the full picture of recovery, repair and reclaiming our true selves." --Aimie Apigian, MD, addiction medicine physician, author of The Biology of Trauma

"Growing Up with Addiction is a validating and empowering book that offers a pathway to healing intergenerational trauma. Tian's understanding of trauma and attachment wounds, and their impact on both the individual and the family system, is only surpassed by the multitude of tools she offers the reader. This book brings the knowledge of adult children and recovery to new heights. Thank you, Tian, for continuing to be a champion for those whose lives have been affected by living in a family impacted by addictions." --Claudia Black, PhD, author of It Will Never Happen to Me and Unspoken Legacy

"Tian Dayton's new book is absolutely one of the best. Her writing and clinical work has helped so many families; her work teaches and touches." --Robert J Ackerman, PhD, founding board member of the National Association for the Children of Alcoholics and Addiction, author of Perfect Daughters and Silent Sons

"Tian Dayton is a trusted clinician and author. To change the life of a person toward greater knowledge, meaning and joy is a gift. Tian's perspective--from her life and her ability to capture wisdom through her words--takes the reader on a journey to discovery and healing." --Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, founder of Onsite Workshops, author of Another Chance and Choicemaking

"Dr. Tian Dayton brings a rare blend of clinical depth, lived experience, and transformative storytelling to every page of this groundbreaking book. Dr. Dayton's insights are grounded in decades of clinical practice and research, and she communicates with clarity, compassion, and practical wisdom that practitioners and readers alike can apply in real life. I wholeheartedly recommend this book as an essential resource for anyone dedicated to understanding and healing the impacts of trauma and addiction." --Frances Black, senator and founder of the RISE Foundation, Ireland

​​​​​​​"Dr. Tian Dayton picked up where Janet Woititz left off in her seminal book Adult Children of Alcoholics that literally began the ACoA movement. Dr. Dayton makes the connection for the reader between the ACoA syndrome and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) often experienced by children who grew up in addicted families long after they have left their families of origin. She answered their haunting question: "Why am I feeling the pain from my childhood now, as an adult, when I am no longer even living at home?" Those of us who understand recovery know that no one needs to accept and live out this legacy. Take this journey with Dr. Dayton--it will change your life." --Gary Seidler, co-founder of Health Communications, Inc., publisher of Adult Children of Alcoholics and Chicken Soup for the Soul

"Tian Dayton's integration of Somatic Experiencing (SE) into Relational Trauma Repair(R) (RTR) and psychodrama offers a powerful pathway for Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACAs) and those with complex PTSD to transform pain into embodied healing and relational repair. By blending SE's body based trauma resolution with RTR's structured emotional processing, the body finally gets to 'speak' the unspeakable--completing the story not just in words but through movement, sensation, and presence, restoring coherence between the mind, emotions, and body. The nervous system can find safety by completing decades of unresolved survival responses, offering a tangible path to healing for those whose trauma lives not just in memory but in the body itself." --​​​​​​​Peter Levine, PhD, developer of Somatic Experiencing(R), author of Waking the Tiger

About the Author

Tian Dayton, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, senior fellow at The Meadows, and author of fifteen books, including The ACoA Trauma Syndrome, Emotional Sobriety, and Treating Adult Children of Relational Trauma. An award-winning scholar, Dayton is an internationally renowned speaker, expert, and consultant in trauma, addiction, psychodrama, and Adult Children of Alcoholics and creator of the experiential model Relational Trauma Repair (RTR). For more, visit relationaltraumarepair.com and tiandayton.com.