Insecure in Love - by Leslie Becker-Phelps (Paperback)

About the Book

Almost everyone has felt jealous or insecure in a romantic relationship at some point in their lives. But people who constantly feel these emotions may suffer from anxious attachment, a fear of abandonment often rooted in early childhood experiences. In Insecure in Love, readers will learn how to overcome attachment anxiety using compassionate self-awareness, a technique that can help them recognize negative thoughts and get to the root of their insecurities so that they can cultivate secure, healthy relationships to last a lifetime.

Book Synopsis

Has your romantic partner called you clingy, insecure, desperate, or jealous? No one wants to admit that they possess these qualities; but if you find yourself constantly on the alert, anxious, or worried when it comes to your significant other, you may suffer from anxious attachment, a fear of abandonment that is often rooted in early childhood experiences.

In Insecure in Love, you'll learn how to overcome attachment anxiety using compassionate self-awareness, a technique that can help you recognize your negative thoughts or unhealthy behavior patterns and respond to them in a nurturing way--rather than beating yourself up. You'll also learn how insecurity can negatively affect healthy dialog between you and your partner (or potential partners) and develop the skills needed to stop you from reverting back to old patterns of neediness and possessiveness.

If you suffer from anxious attachment, you probably know that you need to change, and yet you have remained stuck. With compassionate self-awareness, you can successfully explore old anxiety-perpetuating perceptions and habits without being overwhelmed or paralyzed by them. By understanding the psychological factors at the root of your attachment anxiety, you will learn to cultivate secure, healthy relationships to last a lifetime.

If you're ready to stop getting stuck in the same hurtful relationship patterns and finally break the cycle of heartache, this book can show you how to get the love you deserve--and keep it!

Review Quotes

"Drawing on the latest scientific research but written in an entertaining and accessible manner, this book will help you understand why you're insecure in your relationships. It will also help you heal, so that you can have healthier relationships with others, and perhaps more importantly, with yourself."
--Kristin Neff, PhD, author of Self-Compassion and associate professor of human development and culture at the University of Texas


"If you're single, you'll discover how to choose a partner who is truly available for a connected, supportive, nurturing relationship--someone who accepts and loves you for you. If you're in a relationship, you will gain insight into your partner's behavior and motivation and discover how to create a loving connection in which you both feel truly valued and cared for.

"Filled with relevant, real-life examples and powerful exercises, Insecure in Love will help you leave your self-criticism and sabotaging behaviors behind and develop true self-compassion. No matter how much you've struggled in the past, you will finally understand how to create happy, healthy relationships and experience true, lasting love."
--Mali Apple and Joe Dunn, authors of The Soulmate Experience: A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationships

"Motivated by her professional interest in humans and attachment theory, Dr. Becker-Phelps has developed a solid resource for men and women to improve their lives and their relationships. Insecure in Love is a clear and comprehensive guide for self-understanding and self-compassion in which readers are encouraged to explore themselves and complete step-by-step exercises. The end result will be greater understanding of your relationships and a healthier, more secure self!"
--Kathryn Cortese, MSW, LCSW, ACSW, co-owner and president of Gürze-Salucore Eating Disorders Resource Catalogue

"It is rare that an author can take such a deep and meaningful subject and present it in a helpful, caring, and hopeful manner. Those who are suffering from anxiety disorders that have undermined past relationships will find her suggestions and exercises easy to understand and potentially very successful."
--Randi Gunther, PhD, author of Relationship Saboteurs

"Insecure in Love is engaging, practical, and comprehensive all at the same time. It takes the latest theories of love and provides a useful roadmap for why couples struggle to maintain closeness. Becker-Phelps gets to the heart of the challenge and describes what individuals need to address about themselves, as well as what couples can work on together, in order to recreate a meaningful connection between two people."
--Daniel Goldberg, PhD, director at the New Jersey Couples Training Program in the Center for Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis of New Jersey

"Insecure in Love provides a step-by-step guide for overcoming the psychological hurdles that prevent so many people from finding and creating lasting and satisfying relationships. Becker-Phelps provides easy-to-use assessment tools and exercises that will help readers identify faulty ways of thinking and behaving, understand their childhood context, increase their self-compassion, and form loving and secure attachments going forward."
--Guy Winch, PhD, author of Emotional First Aid and The Squeaky Wheel

"A wonderfully readable synthesis of attachment theory, mindfulness, and cutting-edge approaches to developing self-awareness. This is illustrated throughout with practical advice and vivid stories told by a wise and caring therapist, who is a recognized expert on cultivating successful relationships."
--Diane Handlin, PhD, founder and executive director of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Center, NJ

"I've always been fascinated by attachment theory, which does a wonderful job of explaining how pivotal early events color all of life. Leslie Becker-Phelps helps us understand how 'anxious attachment' plays itself out in our current relationships--and what we do can to heal from that substantial early wound. Highly recommended!"
--Eric Maisel, PhD, author of Rethinking Depression and The Van Gogh Blues

"Leslie Becker-Phelps explains how early attachments can create obstacles to healthy and secure connections in adult romantic relationships. Insecure in Love provides the self-knowledge and the tools necessary to overcome these obstacles and get you closer to feeling secure, happy, and loved in your relationships. Highly recommended for anyone who feels anxious and insecure in a relationship."
--Michelle Skeen, PsyD, author of The Critical Partner and host of Relationships 2.0 on KCAA 1050-AM

"This is a wonderfully user-friendly handbook on healthy relating, both with others and with ourselves. Leslie Becker-Phelps mentors us in such a clear--and encouraging--way. She shows us how we can open ourselves to others while tending our own boundaries so that real love can happen."
--David Richo, author of How to Be an Adult in Love

About the Author

Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, author, and speaker. She writes The Art of Relationships blog for WebMD and is the relationship expert for WebMD's relationships and coping community. She also writes the blog Making Change for Psychology Today. Becker-Phelps previously served at Somerset Medical Center in Somerville, NJ, as director of women's psychological services and chief of psychology in the department of psychiatry. She lives with her husband and two sons in Basking Ridge, NJ. Find out more about her at www.drbecker-phelps.com.