Staying Married Is the Hardest Part - by Bonnie Comfort (Paperback)

Book Synopsis

For fans of Lori Gottlieb's Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, a contemporary memoir by a psychologist whose sexual conflict with her screenwriter husband threatens to destroy her marriage.

Can a loving relationship endure career setbacks, infidelities, and mismatched sexual desires? This is the question psychologist Bonnie Comfort grapples with as she navigates her unpredictable thirty-year marriage to Hollywood screenwriter Bob, while she provides marital therapy to others.

Bob is affectionate, brilliant, and hilarious--but his sexual desires are incompatible with Bonnie's. Despite her misgivings, she indulges his kinks, which often include photographing her in lingerie. Their Hollywood life is exciting, but eventually Bob's growing career frustrations lead to his complete sexual shutdown. Tensions rise, and Bob suggests Bonnie have discreet affairs and not tell him. She does just that--but when she confesses her infidelities five years later, his sexual demands become more extreme. When she complies, Bonnie feels shame; when she refuses, as she increasingly does, their fights threaten to tear their marriage apart.

Bonnie understands the rhythm of disconnection and repair that is common in love relationships. With honesty and vulnerability, she recounts the highs and lows of her own marriage which sadly ends with Bob's death. As she grieves, Bonnie reflects on her role in their marital struggles and offers profound insights from personal and professional experience. Her story lays bare the complexities of love, the ongoing challenges women face in intimate relationships, and how even difficult marriages can find a way to thrive.

Review Quotes

2025 IPPY Book Awards Silver Medalist in Sexuality/Relationships
ZIBBY Most Anticipated Book of 2025
ZIBBY Summer Reads Selection of 2025

About the Author

Bonnie Comfort has been a practicing psychologist for thirty years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD in psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Los Angeles. Her novel Denial, a psychological thriller from Simon & Schuster, was published in eight countries and translated into five languages. As an expert on marital therapy, she has been a frequent guest on podcasts about marriage. She currently lives in Portland, Oregon, with her long-time partner, Douglas Covey, MD.