The Emotionally Destructive Marriage - by Leslie Vernick (Paperback)

Book Synopsis

Something Has to Change...

You can't put it into words, but something is happening to you. Your stomach churns, your heart aches, and the tension in your marriage is making you feel weary and a little crazy. The constant criticism, disrespect, cruelty, deceit, and gross indifference are eroding your confidence and breaking your spirit.

For any woman caught in an emotionally destructive marriage, Leslie Vernick offers a personalized path forward. Based on decades of counseling experience, her intensely practical, biblical advice will show you how to establish boundaries and break free from emotional abuse. Learn to:

- identify damaging behaviors
- gain the skills to respond wisely
- promote healthy change
- stay safe
- understand when, why, and even how to leave
- recognize that God sees and hates what is happening to you

Trying harder to be a perfect fantasy wife won't help fix what's wrong your marriage. Discover instead how you can initiate effective changes to stop the cycle of destruction and restore hope for the future.

"Women in an emotionally abusive marriage do not need another book on how to have a good marriage; those books rub salt in raw wounds. No, they desperately need this book so that they can diagnose just how bad their marriage is and then, with Leslie's clear expertise, develop a plan that will either begin to turn their marriage around...or give them a wise route of escape."
--Dee Brestin, author of Idol Lies and The Friendships of Women

Review Quotes

Praise for The Emotionally Destructive Marriage

"This book is a lifeline for women who long to live a Christ-honoring life but are caught in the downward spiral of a destructive relationship. Leslie draws from a deep well of biblical insight, practical experience, and courageous advocacy to give individuals and the church the tools necessary to set captives free--one woman at a time."
--Joe Henseler, senior pastor of Faith Evangelical Free Church, Allentown, Pennsylvania

"As a radio host, I regularly hear from women who feel trapped in destructive marriages. Because they hear God hates divorce, they don't know what they can do. Leslie shows them exactly what they can do in this book. It's packed with solid, practical, and biblical steps to get sane, get safe, and get strong."
--Anita Lustrea, author, speaker, and host of Moody Radio's Midday Connection

"Though marriage is God's idea, many marriages are not being lived out according to God's plan. Leslie skillfully takes the reader through specific check points, uncovering relationships that are destructive while giving valuable tools for genuine healing. This book will point many couples in the direction of change and discovery of God's ultimate plan of mutual respect and love."
--Ray and Debbie Alsdorf, authors of Beyond the Brady Bunch

"The Emotionally Destructive Marriage blows the lid off the silence surrounding this serious epidemic in the church. It's packed with the kind of solid practical wisdom and bracing straight talk women need to face reality and engage safely the crisis in their marriage. Every Christian leader should read this eyeopening corrective to damaging advice often coming from the church to women in abusive marriages. Women who are at the end of their rope will find this book to be an invaluable lifeline."
--Carolyn Custis James, author of The Gospel of Ruth and Half the Church

"This book provides answers and action for women who are caught in the vicious cycle of emotional abuse. Kudos to Leslie Vernick for addressing and exposing this prevalent problem head on and offering her wise counsel to hurting women."
--Suellen Roberts, founder and president of Christian Women in Media

"The Emotionally Destructive Marriage is the perfect tool for pastors, counselors, and marriage leaders to help women caught in destructive marriages. Written with a softness that only Leslie Vernick could deliver but with a tenacity to motivate and help women recognize their plight, this book provides the practical insights they need to step into the emotional and relational freedom they deserve."
--Joshua Straub, PhD, coauthor of God Attachment

"Women in an emotionally abusive marriage do not need another book on how to have a good marriage; those books rub salt in raw wounds. No, they desperately need this book so that they can diagnosis just how bad their marriage is and then, with Leslie's clear expertise, develop a plan that will either begin to turn their marriage around, strengthen them to stay and survive, or give them a wise route of escape. I was riveted from the first chapter and thanked God repeatedly for this clear manual for those who are in such need of a lifeline."
--Dee Brestin, author of Idol Lies and The Friendships of Women

"The Emotionally Destructive Marriage extends a lifeline of well-tested, biblically sound, practical, real help to women who are often at the end of their rope, end of their ability to cope, and end of their hope. Leslie's common-sense wisdom and tender encouragement might help save your marriage, your family, and your future--and it will for sure save your sanity, your life, and your heart. Every leader, and every woman, needs copies to hand out."
--Pam Farrel, author of The 10 Best Decisions a Woman Can Make and Men Are Like Waffles; Women Are Like Spaghetti
"This book is a significant contribution to Christian literature on the subject of abuse in marriage. Into church cultures so often clouded by a fog of confusion and unbiblical tradition, Leslie's words shine a welcome light. She understands the mentality and nature of abuse that drives these emotionally destructive marriages. I intend to put her book to use in our church in both women's and men's groups, and I would encourage Bible colleges and seminaries to do the same."
--Jeff Crippen, pastor and author of A Cry for Justice: How the Evil of Domestic Abuse Hides in Your Church

"Leslie's book tackles a hidden epidemic behind the closed doors of many Christian homes. Leslie provides help--winsome yet tough, practical yet immensely biblical help--for those in destructive marriages. Counselors, pastors, and Christian ministry leaders are given a clear compass to know how to take a marriage from broken to whole, if both individuals are willing to work."
--Tim Clinton, PhD, president of the American Association of Christian Counselors and executive director of the Center for Counseling and Family Studies at Liberty University

"Heart-to-heart reality checkup. Destructive myths and assumptions exposed. Marriages advanced. Women valued. Hopeful steps for real change. That's how Leslie Vernick writes to women who are under attack in marriage. She provides fresh God-honoring solutions as she speaks life-changing truth for women. Her honesty and mandates for frustrated or failed marriage relationships are invigorating, incredible, practical, and based on the Bible."
--Roger Ball, senior pastor of First Baptist of Tempe

"Finally, a voice being put to the very real problem of emotional abuse within a marriage and the invisible wounds it inflicts on the spirit, heart, and mind. Leslie Vernick brings light to the breakdown that happens in a relationship marked by toxic behavior. Her years of wisdom and expertise in this area, along with her biblical insight, are to be applauded. Thank you, Leslie, for being an advocate for freedom."
--Michelle Borquez, president of God Crazy Freedom, author of Overcoming the Seven Deadly Emotions

"We like to think that every marriage can be repaired and fully restored, but that's not reality in this fallen world. Kudos to Leslie Vernick for being one of the first to address this reality. I'll be recommending this book to many coaching clients in the coming years, because within these pages they'll discover so many valuable assets. I particularly love how she teaches women four steps to develop CORE strength, which helps them deal with their destructive partner in truth and with grace."
--Shannon Ethridge, MA, relationship coach, speaker, and best-selling author of Every Woman's Battle

About the Author

Leslie Vernick is licensed clinical social worker and relationship coach. For more than thirty years, she has helped individuals, couples, and families heal, rebuild, or grow their relationships. A popular author and speaker, she has written several books, including How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong and the bestseller, The Emotionally Destructive Relationship.