The Social Paradox - by William Von Hippel (Hardcover)

About the Book

Book Synopsis

A Next Big Idea Club Must Read of February 2025

From the author of The Social Leap comes this thought-provoking exploration into humans' two core evolutionary needs, for connection and autonomy, how the modern world has thrown them out of whack, and how we can rebalance them to improve our lives.

Why do people who have so much--leading comfortable lives filled with unprecedented freedom, choice, and abundance--often feel so unhappy and unfulfilled? This phenomenon is a defining paradox of our time and one we endlessly seek to solve. In The Social Paradox, psychologist William von Hippel argues that we need to think about this problem in a new way. By changing our perspective, we might finally see the solution, bringing us greater happiness and more satisfying relationships.

The key is to understand the interplay between our two most basic psychological needs--for connection and autonomy. Evolution made us dependent on one another for survival, instilling in us a strong need to connect. It also made us seek autonomy, so our ancestors could distinguish themselves within their groups, improving their chances to procreate and gain status.

These two opposing needs are our most fundamental psychological drivers, and while our lives once ensured a happy balance between them, the opportunities of today's world have thrown it out of whack. As von Hippel explains, our modern world no longer demands connection but it provides endless opportunity for autonomy; this lopsidedness lies at the root of many of our most intractable problems. Recognizing this imbalance and working to counter it can drastically change how we make decisions, spend our time, and find happiness.

The Social Paradox invites us to examine the fundamental building blocks of life and society--politics, religion, urban living, marriage--in a brand-new way. Once we understand the evolutionary forces driving us, we can begin to see how to counteract the emptiness and loneliness of contemporary life.

Review Quotes

"What a splendid read! I loved this wise, eye-opening, and, yes, sometimes breathtaking book. Von Hippel presents a radically new way to understand why human happiness has diminished. What's more, he offers superlative advice for how to get back on track."
-- Sonja Lyubomirsky, New York Times bestselling author of The How of Happiness

"A profound meditation on the human condition. Von Hippel's immense wisdom shines through in beautiful prose. Charming anecdotes and personal reflections bring to vivid life the insights he gleaned from remarkable mastery of what countless scientists have learned from studying all manner of animals, early humankind, and citizens of the modern world." -- Roy Baumeister, New York Times bestselling author of Willpower

"A fresh perspective on navigating life's complexities and building deeper, more meaningful relationships. Von Hippel's insightful and thought-provoking analysis sheds light on why human happiness has diminished, offering practical advice to help us restore balance in our lives." -- Rob Henderson, bestselling author of Troubled

"This book is exactly what we need right now. Post-pandemic, post-iPhone revolution, we have never felt so isolated, dependent on unsatisfying social media, and overstressed from joyless work. Von Hippel explains how we got into this mess and how to get out of it, often with surprisingly simple solutions for rebalancing in a chaotic modern world." -- Martie Haselton, bestselling author of Hormonal

"Von Hippel poses a fascinating dilemma--how we strike a balance between the desire for autonomy and the need to belong. In a gripping and highly readable book, he argues that in the modern western world, the balance has gone awry. Correcting this imbalance becomes a key to living a happy and deeply satisfying life." -- David M. Buss, bestselling author of The Evolution of Desire

"Von Hippel (The Social Leap) explores humanity's desire for connection and autonomy, how these two poles are in conflict, and how to resolve the paradox inherent in a need for both. Offering new ways to balance the interplay, von Hippel explores the ramifications of these evolutionary drives." -- Library Journal

"[An] illuminating treatise. Most intriguing are his explorations of the sometimes counterintuitive links between autonomy and connection. This persuades." -- Publishers Weekly

"A thought-provoking look at how to bring balance back into our lives." -- Kirkus Reviews

"A thought-provoking exploration into humans' two core evolutionary needs, for connection and autonomy, how the modern world has thrown them out of whack and how we can rebalance them to improve our lives" -- The Next Big Idea Club