Where's the Mother? - by Trevor MacDonald (Paperback)

About the Book

To most people, "pregnancy" automatically means "motherhood." Not so for Trevor, who was pregnant, gave birth, and breastfed his children - all while being an out transgender man. His stories convey the intimate and sometimes surprising realities of the transgender parenting experience.

Book Synopsis

"A deeply compelling memoir from a transgender man who birthed and breastfed his children - it's informative, inspiring, and transformational." - DIANA WEST, co-author of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, 8th edition

In a time when to most people "pregnancy" automatically means "motherhood," what is it like to get pregnant, give birth, and breastfeed a child all while being an out transgender man?

When Trevor MacDonald decided to start a family, he knew that the world was going to have questions for him. As a transgender man in a gay relationship, Trevor has gone through the journeys of pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing all while exploring (and sometimes defending) his role as a trans dad. Trevor and his partner tackle all the questions new parents are familiar with, such as: Should we feed our baby breast milk or formula? Should we have a hospital or home birth?

Other questions are much less familiar: How can a man cope with gender dysphoria when going through such female-coded rituals as childbirth and breastfeeding? How can a person breastfeed after having had chest masculinization surgery? How do we find donor milk to supplement our own modest milk supply?

Luckily for the reader, Trevor explains his own answers to these questions with grace and humour. His stories convey the intimate and sometimes surprising realities of the transgender parenting experience. This memoir is a book about being a breastfeeding parent and a transgender man, and the many beautiful, moving, and difficult ways these two identities collide. It reminds us that birth is a fundamental process that lies outside simplistic definitions and concepts. Coming at a time when transgender people around the world face significant legislative oppression and violence, "Where's the Mother?" is a memoir about love and family like no other.

Review Quotes

"A deeply compelling memoir by a transgender man who birthed and breastfed his children - it's inspiring, informative, and transformational." - DIANA WEST, co-author of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (8th ed.) "'Where's The Mother' is an honest, accessible, and heartwarming memoir that follows his story from transition to pregnancy to finding a network of breastmilk-sharing parents. The book offers insight into what it was like for MacDonald to be both male and pregnant. But just as every cisgender parent is different, so is every trans parent. MacDonald wanted to challenge the popular tropes about trans people. 'Where's the Mother' will undoubtedly become an excellent resource for trans and non-binary parents." - BUZZFEED "The Canadian trans man behind gay parenting blog Milk Junkies offers readers a tender, earnest window into the journey to fatherhood he and his husband took in Where's the Mother ... a candid exploration of cultural questions that will be familiar to any same-sex couple raising children in a world that isn't always welcoming. With his accessible, humorous writing, MacDonald unapologetically (but gently) pushes back on assumptions that presume everyone who gives birth to a child must be a woman, and that only mothers can produce milk to nourish their babies .... 'Where's the Mother' helps to fill a void in cultural competency around, particularly, the trans-masculine parenting experience." - THE ADVOCATE "A fascinating and informative memoir of birth and parenthood from a transgender voice - Trevor shows us how breastfeeding a baby is about so much more than just milk. For anyone wondering if they can breastfeed, this is your book." - DR. JACK NEWMAN, author and Director, International Breastfeeding Centre "Do you find yourself uncomfortable with the idea of a transgender man breastfeeding a baby and then being certified as an LLL Leader? Or are you just curious as to why someone would put himself in that situation? You will want to read, 'Where's The Mother'. Blending facts with the feelings that have been part of his journey, MacDonald will help you to better understand a revolution that is taking place, as transgender people receive the support they need to be true to their gender identity." - MARIAN TOMPSON, co-founder, La Leche League "Wonderful and eye-opening. Doula Trainings International will be adding 'Where's the Mother' to our required reading list for certifying doulas and highly recommends that current DTI doulas read it as well for continuing education." - DOULA TRAININGS INTERNATIONAL "As a man who went through pregnancy, I found the book to be very relatable. Several pregnancy books written for women had parts that were relevant to me, but if I'd read 'Where's the Mother' before going through it myself, I think the process would have been less scary, particularly with how it's different when you're trans." - SION JESSE, Community Advocate, Philadelphia I read this book more voraciously than I have read anything in a long time. As a pregnant trans person I greatly appreciated his story, being shared in his own words. It is woven beautifully with the stories of those he encountered along the way and helpful information about pregnancy, birthing and chestfeeding all written in language that felt relevant and accessible to me." - KORI DOTY, radio host of Sex, Drugs, and How We Roll "Despite the challenges, Trevor doesn't take himself too seriously: he always keeps his sense of humor and his humility. You can't help but be drawn into his story." - TERESA PITMAN, co-author, The Ultimate Book of Breastfeeding Answers and The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (8th edition) "Well-written, engaging, friendly, informative, and laugh-out-loud in places! I really enjoyed it." - FIONA GILES, author of Fresh Milk: The Secret Life of Breasts