Home Will Never Be the Same Again - by Carol R Hughes & Bruce R Fredenburg (Hardcover)

About the Book

Home Will Never Be the Same: A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce provides Adult Children with tools for understanding and healing the complicated familial and relationship dynamics before, during, and after divorce. You can preserve what is most important to you: your r...

Book Synopsis

Adult children are often overlooked and forgotten when their parents divorce later in life, but in these pages they will find comfort and understanding for the many feelings, frustrations, and challenges they face.

For more than two decades, a silent revolution has been occurring and creating a seismic shift in the American family and families in other countries. It has been unfolding without much comment, and its effects are being felt across three to four generations: more couples are divorcing later in life. Called the "gray divorce revolution," the cultural phenomenon describes couples who divorce after the age of 50.

Overlooked in the issues that affect couples divorcing later in in life are the adult children of divorcing parents. Their voices open this book, and they are the voices of men and women, 18 to 50 years old. Some of them are single; some are married. Some have children of their own. All of them are in different stages of shock, fear, and sudden, dramatic change.

In Home Will Never Be the Same: A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce, Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg share their deep understanding gained during the innumerable hours they have spent with these women and men in their clinical practices. The result is a valuable resource for these too often forgotten adult children, many of whom find that, whenever they express their feelings and experiences, the most important people in their lives frequently ignore and dismiss them.

As the divorce rate for older adults soars, so too does the number of adult children who are experiencing parental divorce. Yet, these adult children frequently say that they are the only ones who are aware of what they are going through, no one understands what they are experiencing, and they feel painfully alone.

Review Quotes

"This book is not just a Guide for those often-ignored Adult Children of Gray Divorces, but also a guide and support for therapists and even for those Gray parents contemplating a divorce. The authors' experience and commitment to this group is thoroughly and helpfully presented." --Stu Webb, Founder of Collaborative Law concept

"Finally, an in-depth description of the effects of divorce on adult children. For too many years, I've listened to parents negate the effects of their divorce on their grown children. In Home Will never Be the Same Again, the authors bring to life the depths of isolation and loneliness these children experience with no one to talk to and no way to understand their own emotions. Hughes and Fredenburg, through this ground-breaking book have given all of us in the field a new tool to help both divorcing parents and their children face this life transition in a way that leads to healing instead of family destruction." --Nancy Ross, LCSW, BCD, Divorce Coach, Mediator, Trainer, Psychotherapist, Communication Specialist for Trusts and Estates

"Home Will Never Be the Same Again needed to be written, and it needs to be read. It will help Adult Children of grey divorce know that they are not wrong or alone in feeling that their loss is both appalling and overwhelming. Those adults who have suffered this incredible and grievous bereavement should take comfort in the fact that they are not alone, and that they are entitled to their grief.

Home Will Never Be the Same Again is written from the minds and souls of two seasoned therapists who have spent decades working with these Adult Children, supporting them, and helping them to manage their pain, to move forward in a bewildering and disorienting world, and, indeed, to create new family traditions. Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg seamlessly blend their practical experiences with the real-life experiences of their clients to create a highly readable book. This book is about learning to heal. But it's also insightful for anyone else who cares for the people described in it, including (and especially) the Adult Child's parents." --Joryn Jenkins, Collaborative Lawyer, Changing the Way the World Gets Divorced(TM)

"Two experienced therapists share illustrative stories that shed light on the impact on grown children and families when their parents' long-term marriage comes apart. Not only is it a helpful resource for adult children but it will help parents understand how to minimize the harmful effects of their divorce." --Constance Ahrons, PhD, Author of "The Good Divorce" and "We're Still Family"

"It has been my honor and privilege to work with both Carol and Bruce on numerous collaborative and mediation cases over the last 15 years. Having worked with both of these professionals it is not surprising the depth of understanding and insight they bring to this book. Home Will Never Be the Same Again provides invaluable information, encouragement, and recovery options for anyone having experienced the trauma a divorce, especially to adult children of divorce. To my knowledge this is the only book to directly address the issues of adult children of divorce, their struggles, expectations, failures, and triumphs. I strongly urge anyone who has gone through a divorce, or whose parents have gone through a divorce, to read this extraordinarily well researched and well written book by two extremely experienced practitioners of the peace-making out-of-court process." --Marvin L. Chapman, PsyD, LMFT, CFC, Collaborative and Mediation Divorce Coach and Trainer

"I am not a person who enjoys reading. It is rare that I will pick up a book that captures and holds my attention. When this happens, I don't want to put it down until I get to the end. Home Will Never Be the Same Again is one of those rare books. It not only walks the Adult Child through the divorce process and helps them to realize they are not alone, but it is also a guide for the divorcing parents. The silver thread throughout each chapter is educating the Adult Child that there is hope & help. When reading this book, I found myself thinking, I could benefit from that tool or I know someone who really could benefit. This book may have been intended to be a guide for Adult Children of Divorcing Parents - it is truly way more than that. It is a guide for every person, for everyday living." --Cathleen Collinsworth, CDFA, MAFF, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Master Analyst in Financial Forensics

"This book belongs in the hands of every adult child and parent of "gray divorce," and every therapist, mediator, and family lawyer involved with later-life divorcing families. Despite a 40-year low in US divorce, the divorce rate has doubled for couples over 50 and tripled for those over-65. Home Will Never Be the Same Again evocatively captures the often-devastating, and too often totally unexpected, impact of this rising rate of "gray divorce" on young adult and adult children. Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg have given us a thorough, compassionate, and accessible book that weaves together a wide range of relevant research with their work as clinicians and mediators. Each chapter offers both deep understanding and extremely practical guidance for adult children and their parents, as well as for helping professionals involved with them." --Patricia L. Papernow, author "Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships: What Works and What Doesn't," and (with Karen Bonnell) "The Stepfamily Handbook: From Dating to Getting Serious to Forming a "Blended Family.""

Finally, an in-depth description of the effects of divorce on adult children. For too many years, I've listened to parents negate the effects of their divorce on their grown children. In Home Will never Be the Same Again, the authors bring to life the depths of isolation and loneliness these children experience with no one to talk to and no way to understand their own emotions. Hughes and Fredenburg, through this ground-breaking book have given all of us in the field a new tool to help both divorcing parents and their children face this life transition in a way that leads to healing instead of family destruction.

Home Will Never Be the Same Again needed to be written, and it needs to be read. It will help Adult Children of grey divorce know that they are not wrong or alone in feeling that their loss is both appalling and overwhelming. Those adults who have suffered this incredible and grievous bereavement should take comfort in the fact that they are not alone, and that they are entitled to their grief.

Home Will Never Be the Same Again is written from the minds and souls of two seasoned therapists who have spent decades working with these Adult Children, supporting them, and helping them to manage their pain, to move forward in a bewildering and disorienting world, and, indeed, to create new family traditions. Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg seamlessly blend their practical experiences with the real-life experiences of their clients to create a highly readable book. This book is about learning to heal. But it's also insightful for anyone else who cares for the people described in it, including (and especially) the Adult Child's parents.

I am not a person who enjoys reading. It is rare that I will pick up a book that captures and holds my attention. When this happens, I don't want to put it down until I get to the end. Home Will Never Be the Same Again is one of those rare books. It not only walks the Adult Child through the divorce process and helps them to realize they are not alone, but it is also a guide for the divorcing parents. The silver thread throughout each chapter is educating the Adult Child that there is hope & help. When reading this book, I found myself thinking, I could benefit from that tool or I know someone who really could benefit. This book may have been intended to be a guide for Adult Children of Divorcing Parents - it is truly way more than that. It is a guide for every person, for everyday living.

It has been my honor and privilege to work with both Carol and Bruce on numerous collaborative and mediation cases over the last 15 years. Having worked with both of these professionals it is not surprising the depth of understanding and insight they bring to this book. Home Will Never Be the Same Again provides invaluable information, encouragement, and recovery options for anyone having experienced the trauma a divorce, especially to adult children of divorce. To my knowledge this is the only book to directly address the issues of adult children of divorce, their struggles, expectations, failures, and triumphs. I strongly urge anyone who has gone through a divorce, or whose parents have gone through a divorce, to read this extraordinarily well researched and well written book by two extremely experienced practitioners of the peace-making out-of-court process.

This book belongs in the hands of every adult child and parent of "gray divorce," and every therapist, mediator, and family lawyer involved with later-life divorcing families. Despite a 40-year low in US divorce, the divorce rate has doubled for couples over 50 and tripled for those over-65. Home Will Never Be the Same Again evocatively captures the often-devastating, and too often totally unexpected, impact of this rising rate of "gray divorce" on young adult and adult children. Carol Hughes and Bruce Fredenburg have given us a thorough, compassionate, and accessible book that weaves together a wide range of relevant research with their work as clinicians and mediators. Each chapter offers both deep understanding and extremely practical guidance for adult children and their parents, as well as for helping professionals involved with them.

This book is not just a Guide for those often-ignored Adult Children of Gray Divorces, but also a guide and support for therapists and even for those Gray parents contemplating a divorce. The authors' experience and commitment to this group is thoroughly and helpfully presented.

Two experienced therapists share illustrative stories that shed light on the impact on grown children and families when their parents' long-term marriage comes apart. Not only is it a helpful resource for adult children but it will help parents understand how to minimize the harmful effects of their divorce.

About the Author

Carol Hughes, PhD, is a California licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and family-focused divorce professional, who works with children, adolescents, and adults in her practice in Laguna Hills, California. As a therapist, co-parenting and child specialist, divorce coach, and mediator, she has assisted hundreds of families experiencing divorce.

Bruce Fredenburg is a California licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who helps families solve problems. He works with adults, teens and children. He is an experienced mediator and collaborative professional who supports families seeking more peaceful and respectful divorce and co-parenting outcomes. Bruce is in private practice in Laguna Hills California.