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How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack : Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will)

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Move over zombies and adolescent vampires. There’s a new threat in town—and it’s only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attackis the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it’s here. Class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defense expert Chuck Sambuchino has developed a proven system—Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply—for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones. Strategies include step-by-step instructions for gnome-proofing the average dwelling, recognizing and interpreting the signs of a gathering hoard, and—in the event that a secured perimeteris breached—confronting and combating the attackers at close range.
The first and only full-color survival guide on how to prevent, prepare for, and ward off a home invasion by garden gnomes.Move over zombies and adolescent vampires, therersquo;s a new threat in townmdash;and itrsquo;s about three feet tall. The common garden gnome, a deceptively benign lawn ornament, has been gathering momentum as a cultural icon mdash;and suburban guerilla. Fortunately, Gnome Defense Expert (GDE) Chuck Sambuchino offers a proven three-step strategy (Assess, Protect, Defend, or APD) for safeguarding possessions, pets, and loved ones from a gnome home invasion. The book includes schematics for gnome-proofing your dwelling, instructions for confrontations at close range, correct gnomenclature, case histories of human vs. gnome clashes, and innovative ideas for rebuilding in the aftermath of a successful attack.
Number of Pages: 106
Genre: Humor
Sub-Genre: Form / Parodies
Format: Hardcover
Publisher: Random House Inc
Author: Chuck Sambuchino
Language: English
Street Date: September 7, 2010
TCIN: 12697361
UPC: 9781580084635
Item Number (DPCI): 247-04-7398
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