Motherdom - by Alex Bollen (Hardcover)

About the Book

"Alex Bollen proposes 'motherdom', a more expansive conception of motherhood, which values and respects the different ways people raise their children. Instead of finding fault with mothers, motherdom shifts our focus to the relationships and resources children need to flourish"--

Book Synopsis

Blaming, shaming and flimsy evidence: welcome to the ugly world of Good Mother myths

When Alex Bollen had her first baby, the fear of being a bad mother made her guilty and anxious. A researcher with twenty years' experience, she went looking for answers. To her surprise the studies she looked at were exaggerated and misrepresented in the media, forming the foundation for what she calls Good Mother myths. These myths are an assortment of narratives, ideologies and stereotypes, deployed to censure mothers and blame them for every societal ill.

Incensed by the way bad science is used to shame mothers, Alex Bollen decided to set the record straight. With meticulous research and keen insight, Motherdom exposes both the shaky science and unjustified prescriptions about how mothers should 'naturally' behave. Competing visions of birth - 'natural' versus 'medical' - mean women can be criticised whatever happens, raising the odds that birth will be a damaging, even deadly, experience. Mothers are judged and belittled whether they breast- or bottle-feed their babies. Bogus claims about brain development and dodgy attachment theories mean that whatever mothers do, it is never enough.

This has to stop. We must replace Good Mother myths with a realistic approach to parenting. Alex Bollen proposes 'motherdom', a more expansive conception of motherhood, which values and respects the different ways people raise their children. Instead of finding fault with mothers, Motherdom shifts our focus to the relationships and resources children need to flourish.

Review Quotes

"Alex Bollen provides a meticulously researched critique of the evidence underpinning common parenting advice by exploring the history and science of motherhood and exposing the myths and pseudoscience that contribute to maternal anxiety and guilt across cultures. This powerful book will resonate with anyone who is navigating, or has navigated, the complexities of parenthood."
--Sarah-Jayne Blakemore, Professor of Psychology and Cognitive Neuroscience at the University of Cambridge and author of Inventing Ourselves: The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain

"Unequivocally and emphatically, this is the book that all of us, mothers and motherhood researchers alike, have been waiting for! ...This transgressive and transformative book not only decisively and incisively takes on the oppressive institution of patriarchal motherhood to dismantle the good mother myths and bad science that underpin it, it also bequeaths to us a new and revolutionary way to live motherhood. Indeed, with her innovative and vital model of Motherdom, Alex Bollen has created for us a theory and practice of motherhood that will 'set mothers free' to realize the emancipatory potential of motherhood."
--Dr. Andrea O'Reilly, founder of motherhood studies, maternal theory, and matricentric feminism and author of In (M)otherwords: Writings on Mothering and Motherhood

"Bollen's excellent and much-needed book brilliantly exposes the flimsy foundations of the supposedly scientific evidence underpinning much of the received wisdom about motherhood"
--Dr Kim Thomas, CEO of the Birth Trauma Association

"In this passionate and persuasive book, Alex Bollen tells the story of how bad science has affected generations of mothers. This is essential reading for anyone interested in how research should - and shouldn't - be used.'"
--Ben Page, CEO of Ipsos

"Such a welcome contribution to the raging debates that surround contemporary parenting. Bollen takes a forensic look at the evidence used to promote particular parenting practices and shows how shaky much of the 'brain-boosting' science it rests on really is. In its place, she proposes a new way of understanding and supporting motherhood; an intersectionally informed, non-didactic appreciation of the diversity in maternal experiences, that is deeply social at heart: Motherdom."
--Dr Charlotte Faircloth, Associate Professor, UCL Social Research Institute

"Bollen takes on not only the traditional patriarchal views about what makes a "good mother", but also those who misuse neuroscience to give credibility to their prejudices. Many women who've been told that their interactions with their baby can dramatically help or hinder wiring of the brain will be astounded to see just how flimsy the scientific basis is for those claims. Overall, this will be a liberating read for mothers who will find Bollen's accessible and authoritative style a mine of useful information, and a counterpoint to the flood of neurobabble that pervades popular accounts of mother-child interactions."
--Dorothy Bishop, Emeritus Professor of Developmental Neuropsychology, University of Oxford

"This passionately written and impeccably evidenced book reminds us of the myriad ways in which mothers are blamed - for pretty much everything. Across generations of flimsy, bad science, configurations of the 'good mother' have been erected and culturally and politically enforced until the next preoccupation or fad comes along. This book makes a powerful intervention into this sad history and demands a contemporary reckoning, by (re)instigating the concept, language and inclusiveness of 'motherdom'. Motherdom, as the author sets out, 'means setting mothers free' and freedom from judgement and guilt and especially 'experts' is so long overdue, it is hard to imagine. But this highly readable book, makes it feel a possibility."
--Professor Tina Miller, Oxford Brookes University. Author of Motherhood: Contemporary Experiences and Generational Change

"A well-informed and sanity-restoring book."
--Eliane Glaser, author of Motherhood: Feminism's Unfinished Business

"A fantastically accessible debunking of myths around motherhood. An invigorating, empowering and life changing read."
--Cathy Rentzenbrink, author of Ordinary Time

"A refreshing and smart voice in the never-ending "mommy wars," Alex Bollen critiques much of the mothering advice - scientific and cultural - that has produced maternal guilt, fear, and anxiety. Instead, Bollen calls us to a vision of motherdom that centers maternal freedom, and that recognizes that experiences of motherhood and practices of nurturing are varied and individual."
--Jennifer C. Nash, Jean Fox O'Barr Professor of Gender, Sexuality, and Feminist Studies at Duke University and author of Birthing Black Mothers

"It is no secret that one of the least tolerable aspects of motherhood is other people's expert advice ... [Motherdom] bravely hack[s] away at this ever-burgeoning thicket of good counsel ... explain[ing] how hoary, old, nature-versus-nurture cliches have stuck mothers in a place where they can do no right."
--Simon Ings, Best Popular Science Books of 2025, New Scientist

"The specter of the Bad Mother looms over every bleary-eyed and terrified new mom. In this book, researcher and mother Alex Bollen digs into the real stories behind the nebulous studies and perceptions that shape societal notions about motherhood. She also proposes a new model of motherhood, "motherdom," with which she aims to expand our conception of "good" child-rearing. I can think of countless people, mothers and not, in desperate need of this book."
--Lit Hub's Most Anticipated Books of 2025

"Parenting is difficult enough without dealing with myths of what it means to be a good mother. I who often felt like a failure as a mother appreciate Bollen's focus on a more realistic approach to parenting."
--The Millions

"A satisfying revolt against holier-than-thou moralizing around mothers."
--Publishers Weekly

"Alex Bollen, a postnatal practitioner and former director of market researcher Ipsos MORI, turns her intellect toward the bad science on mothers. Her inclusive vision of motherdom is of 'a realm where mothers are valued and not belittled or undermined, ' recognizing that not all mothers give birth, nor do all birthing parents identify as mothers."
--San Francisco Chronicle

"[Motherdom] combines memoir and history to show how punishing expectations continue to devastate new mothers...a thorough investigation into the intense pressures mothers face."
--Becca Rothfeld, The Washington Post

About the Author

Alex Bollen is a researcher with over twenty years of experience, including as a former director of the research agency Ipsos MORI. She is a Postnatal Practitioner with the NCT, the UK's largest parenting charity, and has been running postnatal groups for new mothers in South West London for over a decade. She is the mother of two children.