But Won't I Miss Me - by Tiffany Tsao (Hardcover)

Book Synopsis

Set in an alternate reality where pregnancy endows women with exceptional powers, one new mother uncovers terrifying truths about herself and life in this philosophical and propulsive tale of a woman and mother in crisis.

In a world where drastic measures have averted the global environmental crisis, humans too are now subject to great transformation.

Vivi should be happy she's pregnant. But she's troubled by a looming reality that seemingly bothers no one else: having a baby also means birthing an identical, nearly indestructible self who will eat her and take her place. "Rebirth" is simply a fact of life--nature's way of equipping women for the challenges of motherhood. But as Vivi's unborn child develops, so does her fear.

In a rare turn of events, Vivi emerges from rebirth weakened rather than strong. When her husband cannot tolerate her defects, they divorce and Vivi relocates to the country with her baby to work for her old boss.

Chronically exhausted, mentally struggling, and on her own, Vivi must move on--for her own and her son's sake. But just as with her failed rebirth, swapping old for new isn't as straightforward as it seems. When Vivi finally discovers what went wrong during childbirth, it will rewrite her life utterly: future, present, and past.

An inspired blend of Nightbitch and The Substance, as enthralling and incisive as The School of Good Mothers and The Need, But Won't I Miss Me is a gripping and profound exploration of the physical and psychological tolls of motherhood, with a speculative horror spin. Tiffany Tsao imaginatively reveals the macabre hidden in the mundane and asks us to consider what we lose of ourselves when we leave our broken parts behind.

Review Quotes

In Tsao's (The Majesties, 2020) provocative novel, "rebirth" is the process in which pregnant Vivi will give birth to her baby and to a second self that will grow quickly, kill her, and eat her. Her sister, her husband, and her society view rebirth as a generative gift to new mothers: five years of superhuman strength and vigor. But Vivi is scared. She wants the baby, but she doesn't want to be killed and eaten by a new self. . . .

This well-structured and deeply compelling novel is about so much more than postpartum struggles literalized into horror. It's about Chinese immigration to Australia in terms of the emotional reasoning, legal processes, and communal experiences. It's also about a marriage's expectations and limits in the face of new parentage and depression. Readers know early on that something went wrong with Vivi's rebirth. When the reason is revealed in part two, and a shift in perspective retells the plot from a different lens, readers are treated to a profound exploration of the limits and consequences of love.

- Booklist (starred)

Tsao (The Majesties) writes an alternative-reality, sci-fi, body-horror thriller contemplating how society fails mothers, the horror of following the status quo, and, most provocatively, what happens when a person is their own victim. . . . Readers will hang on every detail, falling easily into Tsao's novel and its complex, flawed but sympathetic characters and unable to shake the unsettling tone set by the title; they won't be even close to ready for the twist when it drops. A master class in storytelling that will leave readers, if not reborn, forever changed by the experience. - Library Journal (starred)

Tiffany Tsao's But Won't I Miss Me features a world where income inequality is staggering and motherhood requires a literal relinquishing of self. . . . But Won't I Miss Me is a combination of mystery, psychological portrait, and sustained philosophical provocation. Tsao, a PEN Prize-winning literary translator of Indonesian fiction in addition to being an author, holds all these registers in balance with singular skill. Tsao's horror operates through implication; the novel's most disturbing moments arise from its world's absolute and cheerful systemic indifference to what women surrender. Comparable to Rachel Yoder's Nightbitch or Carmen Maria Machado's In the Dream House, this novel is breathtaking in its world-building and devastating in its emotional precision. But Won't I Miss Me is the body horror novel motherhood always deserved. - Shelf Awareness (starred)

With evocative details and unassuming yet acerbic wit, Tiffany Tsao gives new meaning to matrescence and asks us to consider--truly consider--the absurd expectations so often placed on new mothers. The accompanying theme of being minority Chinese in Southeast Asia and Australia also shines through, simultaneously celebration and lamentation. BUT WON'T I MISS ME tells all the truth slant in the best possible way.

- YZ Chin, author of Edge Case

New mothers possess superhuman abilities and sustainable electricity wards off the climate crisis in this clever blend of fantasy and speculative fiction from Tsao. . . Tsao cannily uses the fantastical elements to explore a new mother's anxieties about measuring up to other mothers. It's worth a look.

- Publishers Weekly