The Rejected Parent - by Cathy Himlin (Paperback)

About the Book

After a divorce or separation, it's common for children to "take sides" and favor one parent over another. Parents who are rejected often feel desperate and lost, and in a state of reactivity and intense emotion, may push their child even further away. Written by a family therapist and expert in high-conflict divorce, The Rejected Parent provides skills from attachment and emotion-focused family therapy to help readers attune to their child's needs, be active and empathetic listeners, and rebuild their relationship.

Book Synopsis

Powerful skills to help you reconnect and rebuild your relationship with your child after a divorce or separation.

If you've gone through a divorce or separation and it has negatively affected your relationship with your child, you should know that you are not alone. When families split into two households, it's very common for children to "take sides" with one parent. You may feel rejected, desperate, and lost--and in a state of reactivity, you may even push your child further away. So, how can you reduce parental rejection and secure a healthier and more positive connection with your child?

Written by a family therapist and expert in high-conflict divorce, The Rejected Parent provides skills adapted from attachment theory and Emotion-Focused Family Therapy to help you understand and attune to your child's needs, be an active and empathetic listener, and rebuild your relationship. You'll also find co-regulation skills to help you and your child manage intense emotions, as well as techniques to help you meet your child where they are developmentally, psychologically, and emotionally.

If you think you are experiencing parental alienation, you are likely hurting and will do anything to re-establish a connection with your child. With this step-by-step guide, you'll find real, actionable tools to help you move past parental rejection and build a healthy and lasting relationship.

Review Quotes

"The Rejected Parent is a practical guide for parents to heal and grow their relationship with their children. Packed with effective strategies for handling tough situations and co-parenting challenges. Guaranteed to leave readers with a clear, doable road map to heal the parent-child bond."
--Jennine Estes Powell, LMFT, owner of Estes Therapy and coauthor of Help for High-Conflict Couples

"Cathy Himlin brings her profound experience, deep compassion, and unwavering commitment to helping children and families heal into every page. Her insight into high-conflict dynamics and child-centered care is both practical and profoundly human--this book will be a powerful resource for parents, therapists, and attorneys seeking transformation and hope."
--Scott F. Levin, CDFA, attorney, founder of Chief PeaceKeeper Family Mediation, and host of the Doing Divorce Right podcast

"For those of us who have ever spent any time with children, either personally or professionally, how many times have we wished that we had a tool to decode what children were really telling us, and a handbook outlining how to respond? This book supplies generous answers to both. Cathy Himlin's masterful explanation of the behaviors of parents and children in dysfunction should be on the shelf of every custody lawyer, judge, and family therapist."
--Joseph M. Masiuk, attorney and estate planner

"This book is a gem. Each chapter offers succinct, evidence-based guidance with realistic, relatable examples of families experiencing a resist/refuse dynamic while navigating separation and divorce. Cathy Himlin provides a beacon of hope for the peripheral parent who is actively seeking connection with their child. This resource is essential reading for parents, therapists, and court professionals."
--Tara Egan, DEd, LCMHC, LPC, co-parenting therapist, reunification expert, and owner of Egan Counseling & Consulting

"This book was primarily written for parents struggling with their relationship with their child during and after divorce. It provides step-by-step instructions on how to bond emotionally with your child despite their reactions to the divorce of their parents. The principles of relationships are clear and can apply to any strained relationship, not just a parent-child one. If you're going through a divorce and need help learning how to be in a relationship with your child, no matter the age, this book will help you tremendously!"
--Chris McKnight, LMFT, president of the Long Beach - South Bay Chapter of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists

"This is a must-read for all parents who are navigating custody and co-parenting issues. With gentle compassion for the stressed-out parents in family court litigation, Cathy provides practical and child-centered tools for parents to both prevent and repair damage to parent-child relationships. Every chapter provides suggestions that I can use with my clients to help mitigate the negative impacts of family court on their children and promote healthy, child-centered outcomes."
--Hannah Engholm, MSW, certified family law specialist

"When parents get divorced, they experience an array of feelings that impact their children in one way or another. When parents engage in bad-mouthing each other, whether it's blatant or subtle, the words damage parent-child relationships. This book captures real life, including perspectives of the children and both parents. It is understandable and easy-to-read, and presents options and suggestions for 'getting unstuck' and moving forward."
--Cindy Grossman, LCSW, executive director of Kids' Turn San Diego

About the Author

Cathy Himlin, LMFT, LPCC, has more than thirty years' experience as a licensed marriage and family therapist working with children and families. She is also a licensed professional clinical counselor and specializes in family law and dependency cases involving high-conflict families with an estranged parent. She is an affiliate member of the San Diego Family Law Bar Association and is also associated with the CAMFT and the AAMFT. Himlin has developed several child-centered trainings for family law attorneys, therapists, and parents.