I Want to Die But I Want to Eat Tteokbokki - by Baek Sehee

About the Book

Book Synopsis

The internationally bestselling therapy memoir translated by International Booker shortlistee Anton Hur.

PSYCHIATRIST: So how can I help you?

ME: I don't know, I'm-what's the word-depressed? Do I have to go into detail?

Baek Sehee is a successful young social media director at a publishing house when she begins seeing a psychiatrist about her-what to call it?-depression? She feels persistently low, anxious, endlessly self-doubting, but also highly judgmental of others. She hides her feelings well at work, but the effort is exhausting, overwhelming, and keeps her from forming deep relationships. This can't be normal. But if she's so hopeless, why can she always summon a desire for her favorite street food: the hot, spicy rice cake, tteokbokki? Is this just what life is like?

Recording her dialogues with her psychiatrist over a twelve-week period, and expanding on each session with her own reflective micro-essays, Baek begins to disentangle the harmful behaviors that keep her locked in a cycle of self-abuse. Part memoir, part self-help book, I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki is the first book in a duology to keep close and to reach for in times of darkness.

Review Quotes

"At once personal and universal, this book is about finding a path to awareness, understanding, and wisdom." --Kirkus Reviews

"Honest and authentic throughout . . . A sincere attempt at self-discovery that will resonate with young people who suffer from similar forms of depression and anxiety." --Library Journal

"Candid . . . heartfelt . . . Sehee's mission to normalize conversation about mental illness is an admirable one." --Publishers Weekly

"A testament to the gradual nature of therapy's cumulative healing effects, I Want to Die should resonate with anyone who eagerly transcribes every nugget of advice they get." --Buzzfeed

"Earnest . . . clever . . . [Baek Sehee] uses months of (real) transcripts from her therapy sessions to explore her own depression and anxiety, always tiptoeing toward something like self-awareness." --Chicago Tribune

"An eye-opening view into a person's most vulnerable moments in a new way." --Cosmopolitan

"I like that this book's conversations don't follow a conventional narrative arc from conflict to redemption. Baek doesn't stand on a pedestal purporting to have found all the answers . . . Ultimately, there are no shiny promises that Baek will keep getting better; I appreciate her bravery to admit this to readers." --Electric Lit

"With candor and humor, Baek offers readers and herself resonant moments of empathy." --Booklist

"An intimate examination of the deep impact that mental health can have on one's life . . . I read both of Baek Sehee's books back to back, and from my perspective, they're two parts of a whole. To fully understand Baek Sehee's reckoning with her mental health, you have to read both memoirs." --Book Riot

About the Author

Baek Sehee studied creative writing in college before working for five years in publishing. For ten years, she received psychiatric treatment for dysthymia, which became the subject of her essays, and then her debut I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki. Her favorite food is tteokbokki, and she lives with her rescue dog, Jaram.

Anton Hur was born in Stockholm, Sweden. His translations include Bora Chung's Cursed Bunny, which was shortlisted for the International Booker Prize.