Everything I Never Wanted - by Barbara Santarelli (Paperback)

About the Book

In this intimate memoir of a life of excess, Barbara Santarelli explores her yearnings and desires as an isolated and often deprived child who grew up always wanting more. Ultimately it took fifty years, eight homes, and a three-hundred-mile road bike challenge to finally discover her heart's true desire--which had nothing to do with material possessions.

Book Synopsis

Life in a middle-class Italian American-Catholic neighborhood in the 1950s Bronx was not supposed to include divorce, Judaism, classical music, political discourse, or poverty in the social construct. So, in the absence of friends, young Barbara takes comfort in the minutiae, the small details available to her in her everyday life that seem to be overlooked by others. But that appreciation for the inanimate world leads her on a path to the acquisition of objects and a quest for identity that dominates her choices--from her marriage and family life to her constant striving for more and more.
Barbara's chosen nursing career offers validation and some affirmation, but falls short of providing her what's most elusive--self-esteem--until finally, at age fifty, she abruptly abandons her conventional role of mother, wife, nurse, and neighbor to attempt a three-hundred-mile bike ride from Boston to New York. Poorly prepared, she takes only what she needs to flee her life, and a fierce determination that finally allows her to discover her place in the world--and to find true belonging.

Review Quotes

"A witty and thoughtful account that's a portrait of a mother-daughter bond as much as it is a search for love. The drama alone (a broken engagement, angry creditors, infidelity) keep the reader engaged . . . " --Kirkus Reviews

"One woman's challenging tale to fi nd herself is full of emotion and stark, uncomfortable truths . . . revealing a vulnerability that is as painful as it is endearing. The conversational, relatable writing style is enough to captivate readers and keep the pages turning."
--BookLife

"Santarelli's memoir is like a friend telling you a good story. Her conversational voice draws you in and keeps you there. The plucky kid from the 1950s working-class Bronx stays nestled in the heart of the protagonist as she makes her way into adulthood--always keenly observing, yearning to belong, resilient --and at last finds her true place in the world. Full of humor and heart." --Sarah Saffian, LMSW, MFA, author of Ithaka, A Daughter's Memoir of Being Found

"Barbara Santarelli's character development is excellent. You'll find yourself identifying with her search for self-esteem and freedom from her past."
--Linda Joy Myers, President of the National Association of Memoir Writers and author of Song of the Plains and Don't Call Me Mother

"Nurses will be captivated by Santarelli's fascinating memoir of courageous self-exploration and fulfillment in life as a nurse."
--Joan Edelstein, R. N, M.S.N, Dr.PH, President, National Association of School Nurses