Drained - by Leah Ruppanner (Hardcover)

About the Book

"The term "mental load" has become more familiar in recent years, but the popular understanding of the concept often reduces it down to managing a list of household chores and logistics. Sociologist Leah Ruppanner reveals that for women, mental load actually goes much deeper: It's a complex form of emotional thinking that is invisible, boundaryless, and enduring. It's not just making sure tasks get done, it requires thinking five steps ahead, keeping relationships intact, creating experiences that keep all members of the family happy and thriving, and much more. Mental load burnout is the thing that makes women feel like they're running at top speed but barely moving forward. It's what makes even markers of success - new babies, jobs, or promotions- feel exhausting and overwhelming. And there's a double burden: Social standards set women up to be spread too thin, but most of us internalize the idea that our inability to keep up is our fault--it's all in our heads, or we need to let go of perfectionism. If only we could find more minutes in the day, or more time for self-care. In Drained, Ruppanner tackles the problem of women's mental load by asking us to see it through a fresh, paradigm-shifting lens. This book asks, what if we stop blaming ourselves and instead, make practical, impactful changes to our lives to prioritize our energy? With eye-opening, research-based insights, including the 8 most common categories of mental load that weigh women down, Drained offers a powerful toolkit to help women move toward the life they really want. The heart of the book is the Mental Load Audit, which helps readers assess where they are spending their time and attention, and shows them how to take steps to recalibrate effectively. Urgent and provocative, Drained will help women create richer, less overwhelming lives filled with more meaning and joy"-- Provided by publisher.

Book Synopsis

A renowned sociologist and researcher reveals how women can build the life they really want

The term mental load has become more familiar in recent years, but the popular understanding of the concept often reduces it down to managing a list of household chores and logistics. Sociologist Leah Ruppanner reveals that for women, mental load actually goes much deeper: It's a complex form of emotional thinking that is invisible, boundaryless, and enduring. In Drained, Ruppanner outlines the eight distinct types of mental load and highlights what makes them so uniquely heavy for women:

- Life organization Staying on top of planning and tasks
- Emotional support: Checking in on family, friends, and coworkers
- Relationship hygiene Maintaining strong social connections
- Magic making: Carrying on traditions and creating special life moments
- Dream building Helping others fulfill their passions and ambitions
- Individual upkeep Keeping fit and healthy
- Safety Protecting family and loved ones from danger
- Meta-care Raising children who will thrive in the future
The heart of the book is the Mental Load Audit, a powerful, practical tool to help readers assess where they are spending their time and attention, and how they can take steps to recalibrate their energy effectively. Urgent and provocative, Drained will help women stop blaming themselves for never feeling like they are enough and help them create richer, less overwhelming lives filled with more meaning and joy.

Review Quotes

"Drained is a research-backed, powerful guide to managing the complex emotional burden of mental load, with practical advice that is both urgent and transformative. It is a must-read for all women to help them reset how they spend their energy and lead more balanced, fulfilling, joyful lives."
--Eve Rodsky, New York Times bestselling author of Fair Play and Find Your Unicorn Space

"Leah Ruppanner shines a bright spotlight on one of the most invisible and consequential experiences that can drive division and tax bandwidth to the breaking point: the mental load borne primarily by women that keeps family life running. Drained offers an essential blueprint for happier, healthier relationships and lives."
--Brigid Schulte, New York Times bestselling author of Overwhelmed and Over Work

"This book is a revelation. Women often talk about our 'mental load, ' but we don't really understand what it is, which means we don't know what to do about it. Drained meticulously and rigorously shows us all the different parts of that load, why we are expected to carry more of it, and how to decide what parts are actually worth carrying. Buy it, read it, and recommend it!"
--Anne-Marie Slaughter, author of Unfinished Business

"With the precision of a sociologist and the empathy of someone who has lived it, Ruppanner maps the hidden architecture of modern womanhood and offers a path to agency, and a life oriented around meaning instead of obligation."
--Pooja Lakshmin, MD, psychiatrist and bestselling author of Real Self-Care

"It takes a lot to write something new about the mental load that surprises me--but Drained did exactly that. This book is a must-read for all parents! If we want to tackle the care gap and the pay gap, burnout, parents' mental health, and women's leadership, we need to understand the mental load. Our first step is to read Drained."
--Kate Mangino, PhD, author of Equal Partners

"I wish I had this wisdom twenty years ago, before I became a mom. If you are a parent, this book is essential reading. And if you are a mother, it is indispensable. Leah Ruppanner offers a strikingly honest, deeply validating look at the unseen burdens so many of us carry and a path toward living with more ease, agency, and joy."
--Susan MacKenty Brady, CEO, Simmons University Institute for Inclusive Leadership, and Deloitte Ellen Gabriel Chair for Women and Leadership

About the Author

Leah Ruppanner, PhD, is a professor of sociology at the University of Melbourne, one of the founding directors of the Future of Work Lab, and the host of the MissPerceived podcast. She has a PhD in sociology from UC Irvine and has spent the past decade researching gender, work, and family.