Are You Mad at Me? - by Meg Josephson (Hardcover)

About the Book

"Josephson is here to show you that people-pleasing is not a personality trait. It's a common survival mechanism known as 'fawning'-- an instinct often learned in childhood to become more appealing to a perceived threat in order to feel safe. Yet many people are stuck in this way of being for their whole lives. [This book] weaves Josephson's own moving story with that of ... client stories and ... exercises to show you how to identify all the roles you might play--from peacekeeper to performer to caretaker to lone wolf to perfectionist to chameleon--that keep you far from yourself; stop fearing your thoughts and emotions, even if they're unpleasant; rethink conflict and boundaries as an opening for deeper connection; practice 'leaning back' in relationships; recognize when people-pleasing is actually necessary (with your chaotic boss) and when it's not (with your close friends) and stop self-loathing when you slip into old patterns; shift away from the familiar chaos, anxiety, and resentment you're used to as you move closer to yourself and a life that no longer depletes you--but brings you joy"--

Book Synopsis

Instant New York Times Bestseller * Named One of the Best Books of the Year by New York magazine * A Goodreads Choice Award Nominee for Best Nonfiction * A Best Audiobook of the Year by Audible and Spotify

From psychotherapist Meg Josephson, a groundbreaking "cure for chronic people-pleasing" (Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author) that explores the common survival instinct called fawning and offers "explanations, comfort, and best of all, solutions" (Christie Tate, New York Times bestselling author).

Are you constantly worried about what people think of you--if they like you, if they're mad at you? Do you overextend yourself, avoid conflict, or find yourself over-apologizing, only to feel resentful afterward?

In her "instant self-help classic" (Ada Calhoun, New York Times bestselling author), Josephson explores fawning, an instinct learned in childhood to stay safe by becoming more appealing, agreeable, and helpful to perceived threats. Over time, this instinct disconnects us from who we are, what we want, and what we prefer.

With "lucid prose and smart mix of clinical expertise, personal disclosure, and pertinent case studies" (Publishers Weekly), Are You Mad at Me? shows you how to:

- Identify all the roles you might play--from peacekeeper to performer to caretaker to lone wolf to perfectionist to chameleon--that keep you far from yourself.
- Stop fearing your thoughts and emotions, even if they're unpleasant.
- Rethink conflict and boundaries as an opening for deeper connection.
- Practice "leaning back" in relationships.
- Recognize when people-pleasing is actually necessary (with your chaotic boss) and when it's not (with your close friends) and stop self-loathing when you slip into old patterns.
- Shift away from the familiar chaos, anxiety, and resentment you're used to as you move closer to yourself and a life that no longer depletes you--but brings you joy.

Josephson offers a path out of people-pleasing--transforming your relationships so you can stop focusing on what others think and start honoring your own needs. No more wondering: Are you mad at me?

Review Quotes

"I can count on one hand the number of books that have settled my nervous system within the first three pages of reading. It's so rare to be able to say: I needed this book, me too, thank you." --Holly Whitaker, author of Quit Like a Woman

"This book offers a cure for chronic people pleasing. If you've ever compromised your principles to gain another person's approval, Meg Josephson is here to help with revealing insight and sage advice."--Adam Grant, author of Think Again

"Are You Mad at Me? unlocks a secret door in the house of healing: understanding the fawn response. Honest, relatable, and totally binge-worthy, Josephson's work has the power to change your entire life. If you struggle with that screensaver type of anxiety that's always on--constantly worrying that you're doing something wrong or that people don't like you--this book will feel like coming up for air. Read it and get free."--Katherine Morgan Schafler, author of The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

"Hallelujah--at last, salvation for all of us who've ever agonized over an awkward text exchange, wondered if we embarrassed ourselves at a party, or become convinced that a friendship cooling meant we'd unwittingly committed some grave sin. Meg Josephson's instant self-help classic is wise, actionable, and could change your life."--Ada Calhoun, author of Why We Can't Sleep

"Meg Josephson has given the world a huge gift in Are You Mad at Me? For all of us who've spent our lives feeling like we were in trouble--with friends, bosses, spouses, children, everyone--this book offers explanations, comfort, and best of all, solutions. I'm grateful this book exists because I needed Josephson's gentle wisdom and empowering message now more than ever."--Christie Tate, author of Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life

"Psychotherapist Josephson debuts with a cogent exploration of the least-known yet 'arguably most common' threat response: fawning.... Josephson's lucid prose and smart mix of clinical expertise, personal disclosure, and pertinent case studies makes for a uniquely actionable resource. She also provides an insightful look at the cultural factors that influence fawning...Recovering people pleasers will find plenty to chew on." --Publishers Weekly

"Was Are You Mad at Me? written especially for me? It sure felt like it. For all the people-pleasers, peacekeepers, and fawners out there: Read this book now. My copy is already well-thumbed and heavily underlined--and, no, you can't borrow it! The book, brimming with wisdom and humanity, helped me change my relationship with myself by understanding the patterns of the past that I was still living out today. Thank you, Meg, for freeing me from so much I had buried. It is no overestimation to say that this book is a gamechanger." --Susannah Cahalan, author of Brain on Fire

About the Author

Meg Josephson, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist. In her private practice, she specializes in trauma-informed care through a compassion-focused lens. She holds a Master of Social Work from Columbia University, and she is a certified meditation teacher through the Nalanda Institute. Meg also shares accessible insights via her social media platforms, reaching over five hundred thousand followers.